Back to Teenfactor #27
Subject: LNH: Teenfactor # 28: And From The Void, A Plot Is Born
Date: 2 Feb 1998
Teenfactor # 28 "From The Void, A Plot Is Born" Previously: Teenfactor has come to Poland in hopes of stopping the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland from getting new members. It sought to enlist the help of Iron Canary, former Teenfactor member Pig Latin Lass, and her team of polish- born net.heroes, Action Legion Poland. But, it turns out, the Canary's older brother, Susan, is really Alpha Lord, leader of that self- same perplexing Battallion, and for some reason we'll discover shortly, she will not battle him. Cover: Teenfactor gasps as it looks up to see... the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland! GASP! ***************************************************************** Prelude: Net.ropolis. A base somewhere below the mall. "You thought you could escape," the voice said slowly. "You thought that you could stop us. Know this... earthlings. Nothing can stop our invasion. Our power is too vast. Our power is too great. And you two think that you alone can stop... the Yurtiag!" "Is... is that suppose to sound dramatic?" spat one of her captives. The woman known as Lady Dentist wiped the blood clean from her nose and adjusted her torn garments so that she looked more lady- like. That was rather difficult, since the Yurtiag assailant had caught both her and Mr. Smith by surprise. The battle was short and Lady Dentist had found herself here, two days later. The coma had been long. Eventually, though, she and Mr. Smith had managed to survive; and, eventually, they would escape. Just not now. "It doesn't if that's what you're trying." "You should of killed us all when you had the chance," the alien being said, ignoring the Dentist Damsel's remarks. "In 1968. But you let us live. You sons of wookies, you let a few of us live. Regroup. Reproduce. Rebuild. Now our empire is stronger than before. And you have no Arcanians to help you now." "Shut up," said Lady Dentist tiredly. "No snide remarks, now, eh? No, in 1969 the Arcanians were deemed too much of a threat. Keep your freinds close, but your enemies closer, eh? You all pretended the Arcanians were your allies, then, when you had the chance, you killed them. Idiots. "Now there are none left to protect you." "I said Shut Up!" screeched Lady Dentist, looking to Mr. Smith for help. Smith nodded simply as he fidgeted with something in what was left of his pocket. "The Arcanians are dead, aren't they!?" "No!!!" said Lady Dentist, fed up with it. "What...?" asked the alien. "There's one left... Smith! Now!" Mr. Smith pressed a button on a remote control. A psionic signal was sent, and the Yurtiag screeched and withered in pain. She began to regain control, soon enough, and prepared to rip the two survivors into shreds. In desperation, Lady Dentist called out, using the signal from Smith's psionic inducer to send a message and hope she received it before it was too late. *REMEMBER, ARCANIA! REMEMBER, DAMN YOU! REMEM... ******************************** ...BER! Arcania shivered as the message disappeared. She fell back, suddenly, lasping into coma. The Woolsh, perched on her shoulder, shuddered as it leapt back, overcome by Arcania's fear and awkwardness. (The Woolsh, remember, oh- so- loyal fans, is an empathic, 1- foot tall ball of fluff who serves as Teenfactor's pet.) Everyone at the scene (c'mon, you remember. Just outside Teenfactor's landing pod in Poland.) turned and gasped dramatically. Well, except for Daresquirrel who added :"said Daresquirrel!" to his gasp, and the Lass Dragon, who couldn't speak. Oh, and let's not forget Arcania herself who is currently unconsious. And Tuxedo Manga didn't, since he was busy practicing his lines. Alright, so some of the people at the scene collectivly gasped, which has been happening a lot in this arc. Annnnywho, Carolyn rushed to Arcania's side. "She's out cold!" she said. "This has never happened before!" "How do we know that?" said Mable. "What do you mean?" asked Carolyn. "Maybe she has fainted before. What do we know about Arcania?" "Well..." said Shaggy, trying to think of something intellegent to say. "Fishnets," he said. "WHAT?" said Everyone, except... well, you get the idea. "She wears fishnets," pointed out Shaggy. "Like the Black Canary or Zatanna or Miss Jul--- never mind," he said nervously as he resolved to look thru some of his manga he had stuck in his costume. "She uses magic," said Carolyn. "I know that much." "The truth is," said Mable, "we don't know very much about her at all. She has amnesia, remember? I don't beleive we'll ever discover her secrets. But, for now, we better put her on the Teencruiser and leave a couple people to guard her." "Good idea, Mr. leader," said Tomo with a wide smile. Mable muttered something under his breath about how annoying young Mr. Mustard could be but no one heard it, and especially not Tomo who had nothing but freindliness in mind. It was true, Mable hadn't been a very good leader. But he was the only leader they had. He resolved that the only thing that would ever cause him to leave the team would be if Terrence returned. Terrence had left a while ago, and Mable had been very cross towards him. Now he might never again get a chance to make amends. If he ever saw him again, his shame would overtake him. That's the only thing that would cause me to leave, Mable thought. Everyone had been cross to Terrence that fateful day. Except for Miss Carolyn Forge. She had been anything but cross. Areo Lass really did show that she was good at something besides inventing. But this is a family book, so we'll get away from this narrative and back to the actual story. (Such as it is.) After Arcania had been loaded into the Teencruiser, Carolyn turned to Patricia. "Pat," she said, slowly. "Why won't you fight your brother?" She pressed the recording stud on her Areo Lass belt as she leaned closer. "I am afraid that I will beat him," said Pat sadly as she readjusted her Iron Canary helmet. "And bring further shame to my family's good name." Roxanne was about to point out that Patricia's family lost all their money at Lemming Races, had an uncle Eggberta who was in league with undead suicidal cucumbers, and had an older brother named Susan, but she decided that not talking would be the better part of valor. Better, that is, then getting the bejeezus kicked out of you by an angry polluck. "Well, someone has to stop Alpha Lord and his evil schemes," said the Polybag Person dramatically. "Iron Canary," he said, taking a peek at his superheroics book before quickly swipping it behind his back, "you stay here with Tomo and guard our fallen and mysterious ally whilst we attack the evil... perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland!!! Everyone gasped. Well, except for... never mind. "I have a plan," said Mable, not enjoying having his authority challenged. "We will divide into two groups, each group containing half of the remaining members of our teams. One half will storm the perplexing Random Battallion's ba--" " 'That's perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland,' added Daresquirrel," said Daresquirrel. "The perplexing Random Battallion *OF* *POLAND* 's base, while the other half will stop the arrival of the package containing the new 19 members of the perplexing Random Battallion. Whew, what a--" " 'That's perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland,' reminded Daresquirrel," said Daresquirrel. "Whew, what a mo--" Mable said, a bit angerily, trying to finish his sentance. "Get back Sailor Moon! Let Tuxedo Kamen handle this!" said Tuxedo Manga. "AHEM!" said Mable. "Whew, what a mouthful!" "I DONOT HAVE TAPEWORM!" said Carolyn angerily as she fired some of her Areo Lass Stun Pellets. "YES YOU DO!" "NO! I! DON'T!!!" "DENIAL! DENIAL! YOU HAVE TAPEWORM!" "Okay!" said Mable, trying to silence them all. "All of you-- Daresquirrel, Tuxedo Manga, Vixen and Areo Lass-- all of you are NOT IN MY GROUP!" "That's a real nice attitude," muttered the Polybag Person. He was attempting at that particular moment to sound cool. It, as usual, didn't work. "And you will lead them!" said Mable with a smile. Everyone groaned, but Mable ignored them. "And everyone who has a small grip on their sanity-- that's me, Shaggy, Omega Bat, the Lass Dragon and Compubullet-- well, that's my group!" "Well, at least we'll get stuck with the easy job of intercepting that giant package," said the Polybag Person, for once allowing himself to openingly be pathetic. "Really?" said Mable, with an almost maniacal smile. "Well, your group will go against the perplexing Random Battallion!" " 'Of Poland,' said Daresquirrel meekly," said Daresquirrel. "You can't do that!" argued Roxanne. "Yes I can! I'm the leader!!!" said Mable as he stuck out his tongue. Mable had never abused power before, but there's a first time for everything. Besides, he hasn't had any character development since... oh, sometime in the *first* Teenfactor series. And that is just plain pitiful. ************************************************************** When last we left the evil Dr. Robert Leifield, he was gasping in shock as Todd McFarlane and Jim Lee stood at his door.Leifield darted back from the two, surprised that they would dare to intrude his sacred labratory. "Why are you here?!" he bellowed, signaling his two minions, the Vessel and Jenny McCleavage, to get ready to strike. "You've got some nerve, Lee!" "Dare you to speak to the Anti- Leifeild that way?!" asked Jim Lee with an evil smile. "Remember, I am the only mortal being who can defeat you and your evil. Sit down." "I can't," realized Leifeild, "I haven't drawn any chairs. There is no background here, you know! This is my domain!" "I don't care," said McFarlane simply. "We heard you are creating a new genetic abomination and that if you do we'll get our pants sued off. We have come to stop you." "No!" screeched Leifeild. "I have worked so long to create... The American Fighter!!!" "It's nothing but a grotesque parody of Captain America!" said Jim Lee in shock. "We *will* get our pants sued off! McFarlane! Do it!" Todd nodded as he stepped away from the damaged door where they had entered. "Perhaps one of your more fatal flaws, Robert," he said maniacally, "is entrusting the toy liscence of the Vessel to me... Todd McFarlane, Master Of Pointless Toy Variations!!!" Suddenly, from the door, a mass of Vessel life- sized action figures appeared. They had been brought to life. "Grey Vessel! Green Vessel! Grey Vessel with orange pants! Cyborg Vessel! Hamburger Face Vessel!" gasped the Evil One. "Each with the strength of the original," Jim Lee said. "Now, the time has come to stop your evil plot!!!" The Vessel Force attacked the real Vessel, while Jim Lee moved in to battle Dr. Leifeild. It was going to be one helluva fight, that was for certain. ************************************************************* Mable's group had made it to the peir to intercept the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland's package, a gigantic box which contained the ninteen new members that were created/ trained at Lee's Supervillains, Incorporated. All they had to do was send the box back in a SASGBCS (Self- Addressed, Stamped, Giant Box Containing Supervillains.). Shaggy thought they could find one, this being Poland, and they had bought one from a nearby store. Now to wait for the package. And wait and wait and wait and wait. "Where's my bribe?" said Compubullet with a maniacal smile. "What?" questioned Mable, whom was a bit confused. "Oh, sorry," said Compubullet. "Before this gig, I was known as Nick Freeeeeno, liscensed teacher. Well, that didn't pay too well so I started having term papers everyday and my students had to bribe me to get good grades. One of those bribes was a bootlegged DOOM game. And that caused me to go insane. But enough about me. Where's my bribe?" Shaggy handed Compubullet a fresh, new five dollar bill in hopes of shutting him up. It didn't work. "Maybe I should of left them all in the other group," groaned Mable as a ship pulled into port. "It must contain the package with the new Battallion members." "Can we bribe them?" asked Compubullet feverently. "No," said Mable as he tried to grip on to his sanity. "Me and the Lass Dragon will fly ahead," said Omega Bat. "You guys stay here." Mable nodded reluctlantly and sat down to wait for Omega Bat to come speeding off of the ship with the Lass Dragon behind him. That didn't happen. "GUYS!" screeched Omega Bat from above. "It looks like six of the new members of the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland have escaped!!!" "Oh, crap," said Mable as he prepared to strike. "C'mon, you other two. Looks like we have some supervillains to defeat." ************************************************************************ "So this is their hideout," said Areo Lass as she entered the "All Hans.net, All The Time" store which Daresquirrel claimed was the hideout of the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland. Not even the polish were crazy enough to go in there, so no one would get wise as to where they were hiding. " 'You are very astute, Madame Areo Lass,' said Daresquirrel with a tinge of sarcasm," said Daresquirrel flatly. "Can the sarcasm," said Vixen. "It only gets you in trouble. And it only gets me mad. That's why I never liked the rodent until we started trashing the Appalling Tasteless Man." She whispered that last part under her breath so that no one could hear her referral to the events of Teenfactor # 23. "Alright," said Areo Lass, "I'm going to open the door. Stand back and be ready for anything!" Carolyn stepped forward, opened the door, and jumped back as she found a long kitana blade placed at her throat. Its owner entered the outside of the store with an evil smile. The assailant was dressed in an all- black ninja- like garb. "I am Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, though I am commonly called... Composite Ninja, master of power mimicry! Enter our evil headquarters, but at your own risk." The group entered and the lights suddenly flicked on. The Polybag Person looked up from his book and stuffed it in his pocket. They were surrounded by five foes, six if you include Composite Ninja. Blood Man was directly to Carolyn's left. He was dressed like a well- dressed blood cell, in a cheap armani suit, and he seemed to have four arms. He juggled as he approached the heroes, his Man Ring adorned on his upper left hand's pointing finger. Crimson Apocalyspe was floating above the mighty Areo Lass. She dressed in a flowing red robe and wore a strange headdress/crown. In her hand was her mighty Apocalyspe spear. Her face was youthful despite her four- million, five thousand, four- hundred eighty three and one- half years of existance. Her hair was in a long braid, reaching down several feet past her, um, feet. It almost touched the ground that she was floating above, hovering using her Pyrokinesis. Baroness Crinimal, on the other hand, was dressed in a flamboyant purple, with several multi- colored capes worn over the others. She wore a mask that bore no features, making it easy to transmute and transform her self using her self- trained shape- shifting abilities. Her evil cinimal blaster was in her left hand, while her right hand busied itself pulling the capes across her form to give her a mysterious villain look. Next to the Baroness and just infront of Martin Mylar, the mighty Polybag Person, was the evil Vibro Samuri. His Vibro Sai pulsed as he prepared to use his invisibility powers. The Samuri was dressed in a shiny grey set of armor, one layer built on top of the other in an off- kilter sort of way. Finally, Alpha Lord stood. He had a flowing red cape and a blue body suit. This body suit had built up black muscles, pecular and abdominal, and was covered by green gloves and boots. His blue Alpha Glasses, the most powerful weapon in his inventory, adorned his youthful features. If the heroic Iron Canary looked upon the face of her brother Susan now, she would not recognize him. "Beware, heroes!" the evil Alpha Lord said with an egnimatic smile. "You now face the evilest villains of all Poland! The great and mighty group known as the perplexing Random Battallion Of Poland! Beware, for your death is surely imminent!" Tuxedo Manga jumped from his small personal vehicle, the Manga Mobile, and pushed Areo Lass several feet away from the villains and into the wall. "Don't worry, Sailor Moon! I won't let them harm you!" As Areo Lass hit the wall, her stun pellets were released at the villains. Tuxedo Manga fired three of his roses towards Alpha Lord, who simply moved his hand in the air. The motion reduced the roses to mere seeds. "With my great Alpha Power, I turn everything back to its beginnings! My power may work only on plant or nonorganic substances, but I can still use it to defeat you!" ********************************************************** NEXT: Three big fights! The end to all this silly polish nonsense! Be here in three days for "Big Trouble In Little Poland!" Action Legion Poland and the perplexing Random Battallion were created with Lee's (Useless) Superhero Generator. All other characters are mine (The Polybag Person created by Drizzt but mine now with permission. :) ) All characters are usuable with permission. 1998 Tom Russell Jnr.
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