September 9, 1999
By Franklin Harris
George Lucas, already having insulted the public's intelligence with "The Phantom Menace," is at it again.
Next month, Lucas and Paramount will finally release digitally remastered, widescreen videos of the Indiana Jones trilogy: "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" and "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."
Now, despite my low opinion of humanity, even I assume most people know that Harrison Ford's adventure-seeking archaeologist, Indiana Jones, first appeared in 1981's "Raiders of the Lost Ark." But Lucas, it seems, doesn't think folks are bright enough to get that. So, he is renaming the film "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark."
Say that three times fast.
To add injury to insult, there will be no DVD release of the films any time soon.
Reportedly, Lucas is waiting for DVD technology to advance before releasing supercharged DVDs of both the Indy and "Star Wars" trilogies.
Yeah. And the last time Lucas said he was waiting on technology to catch up with his imagination, the result was Jar Jar Binks and a lot of poo jokes. Count meesa out, please.
Sept. 13, 1999
Monday is Sept. 13, and despite the lack of any hype, the date is a landmark in televised science fiction.
Sept. 13, 1999, is the date a nuclear explosion on the far side of the moon results in Earth's only natural satellite being blasted from orbit and into deep space, taking Moonbase Alpha and its 311 personnel with it on a voyage to "worlds beyond belief."
That was the future according to "Space: 1999."
Actually, it's the show's premise that is beyond belief, starting with the fact that an explosion on the moon's far side would send it toward Earth, not deep space. But never let science stand in the way of cheesy fun.
Starring then-husband-and-wife thespians Martin Landau and Barbara Bain, "Space: 1999" ran in syndication for two seasons in the mid-'70s.
Even though it ended a critical and ratings flop, you'd think "Space: 1999" would at least merit a Sept. 13 marathon on, say, The Sci-Fi Channel.
But the sci-fi community's lack of interest isn't preventing "Space: 1999" loyalists from commemorating the show's defining event.
"Space: 1999" fans are gathering in Los Angeles this weekend for "Breakaway: The Convention," which will run from Friday until Monday.
Landau, Bain and several other cast members are scheduled to attend.
So, you've just left your job after complaining that your former boss wanted you to take your top off, exposing your considerable, er, assets to a pay-per-view audience. (For some reason, you had a problem with this despite having done not one, but two Playboy spreads.) Now what do you do?
You take a job that insures that adolescent boys everywhere (and certain newspaper columnists) will tune in each week to stare at your scantily clad body, of course.
According to TV Guide, Rena Mero, the World Wrestling Federation wrestler formerly known as Sable, is considering starring as the title character in a "Red Sonja" TV series.
If you're unlucky, you may remember the 1985 film version of "Red Sonja" starring Brigitte Nielsen from one of its numerous showings on TBS. Both the film and proposed TV series are based on the sword-wielding barbarian maiden created by Robert E. Howard, who also created Conan the Barbarian.
If that isn't enough, Mero is also looking into starring in a television show based on the animated film "Heavy Metal," presumably the "Tarrna" segment in particular. That segment, which closes the film, also features a half-naked barbarian queen.
Mero's new career may involve even less clothing than her old one.