"Ya know, that's something I'll never understand: Why anybody would spend $125 to fix up a stinky old pair of Mountie boots."
"Oh, Ray, Ray, Ray. Properly molded boots are a Mountie's prized possession--well, *that* and his horse."
"Well, we're not picking up your horse."
"I don't have a horse...I mean, not here."
"Well, ya know, you outta think about gettin' one 'cause I'm gettin' tired of drivin' you around."
(Ray and Fraser)

<gunfire>
"Ray, that was a gunshot."
"Yeah, if we stop for every gunshot we hear in this neighborhood, we'll never get home. <gunfire> See? <gunfire>...Oh, I'm off-duty!... You're off-duty; and, unless somebody shot a moose, you have no jurisdiction!"
(Ray running after Fraser)

Ray: "I'll get the shooter."
Fraser: "I'll get the shootee."
(Each go in a different direction)

Fraser: "Oh dear. My boots are gone." (bows head)
Ray: "It's okay."

"I'm not asking you to tell me the truth. If you had wished the truth to be known, I'd think you would have been more forthcoming before. Obviously you have reason to fear the truth. I think you are in some kind of trouble. Manifestly you are in trouble because you've been charged with a capital crime, but that's not the kind of trouble I'm actually refering to. You know, it might help perhaps if you told us why it is you are not telling the truth. Of course, if you told me why you are not telling the truth, that would probably indicate what the truth might actualy be. And you realize, I'm not actually asking you to tell me the truth."
(Fraser in a very one-sided dialogue with Tyree)

"Good news, Ray, he didn't do it."
(Fraser telling Ray they have the wrong man)

Fraser: "Let's Go! Are you deaf? I mean I know you are literally deaf...oh forget it."
(Fraser in a rhetorical question to Dief)

"Diefenbaker, for God's sakes, you're tracking the wrong thing! You're tracking my feet, not my boots. I know my feet were there. My boots were--oh forget it."
(Fraser to Dief)

Fraser: "The shooter wore this."
Ray: "Well, let's hope that's not all he wore."
(Fraser hands a thread to Ray)

Ray: "Is this an Eskimo trick?"
Fraser: "No, Inuit."
(Fraser telling Ray to remember the sounds of the shooting)

"Hey, hey--no dogs in here, Man!"
"He's a wolf."
(hoodlum and Fraser)

"He's making left-handed shots because he's right-handed."
(Fraser to Ray)

"So, who are you and what do you want?"
"Benton Fraser. I'm a Mountie."
"Why they call you that?"
"Well, it's short for Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman."
"So you're mounted."
"No, uh...we mount horses...on occassion. Perhaps you're familiar with the Musical Ride?"
"Then, in all factuality, aren't the *horses* the Mount-ees then?"
"No, you see, *we* are mounted on *top* of horses--It's historical."
(Tyree and Fraser)

"The Mountie just bailed you out from the goodness of his heart?"
(Lou to Tyree)

"Tyree ain't gonna say nothin'."
"No, Reggie. 'Tyree ain't gonna say *anything*.' "
(Reggie and Lou)

Tyree: "Do you speak English?"
Fraser: "Canadian, actually."
(after Fraser talks all the way through the police station)

"That was him!"
"Yes."
"He's out!"
"Yes."
"He made bail?"
"Yes."
"Well where'd the punk get the money?"
"I lent it to him."
(Ray and Fraser)

"Tyree was not the shooter, Ray."
"Then why was he carrying a gun?"
"I don't know."
"Then why did he shoot the gun?"
"I don't know."
"Then why did he make me chase him?"
"Well, I haven't figured that out yet."
"Ahh-at least we're gettin' somewhere."
"Yes, it's encouraging, isn't it?"
(Fraser and Ray)

"Tyree fires the 1st shot and misses. The victim fires back, misses by a mile, hits the garbage can; Tyree fires again and nails him: Bah-da-bing."
"What did you just say?"
"What?"
"You said: 'Bah-da-bing'."
"Yeah, don't they say that in Canada?"
"No, no...just listen to the sound of that: *bah-da-bing*!"
"What?"
"Well, remember back to yesterday. The first 2 shots had the same sound; the 3rd shot was the 'bing'. You see--your scenario doesn't hold up, Ray. The 'bing' was the shot that hit the garbage can...not the 2nd shot. That was a 'bang'."
"Oh, and the judge is gonna love this...'Your Honor, we have no case because the 'bang' is where the 'bing' should've been."
"The sounds don't lie, Ray."
"Alright then, tell me this: How does the 'bang', being where the 'bing' should've been..."
"No, that's the 'bing' being where the 'bang' should've been."
(Fraser and Ray)

"Why did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You moved the garbage can in front of your feet."
"Did I?"
"Are you hiding something, Constable?"
"No. No, no...Yes."
(Thatcher and Fraser)

Fraser: "I lost my boots."
Thatcher: "They are not yours to lose."
Fraser: "I understand that, sir. I was saving a life."
Thatcher: "With your boots?"
Fraser: "No, you see... "
(starts a long tale, which Thatcher interrupts)
Thatcher: "This life you saved, was it a Canadian?"
Fraser: "I shouldn't think so."
Thatcher: "Then you are paying for the new boots yourself."
Fraser: "Understood."
(Thatcher finally realizes that the Mountie isn't in full uniform)

Fraser: "Close your eyes... All right now... Put yourself back at the moment. What do you hear?"
Ray: "The entire Chicago Police Department laughing at me?"
(Fraser trying to get Ray to recall the sound of the shots)

"It was 'boom', 'bang', 'bing'."
"What?"
"It wasn't 'bang', 'bang', 'bing'. It was 'boom', 'bang', 'bing'."
(Fraser and Ray)

Ray: "I'm the arresting officer, your honor. He didn't do it."
Judge: "How do you know this, Detective?"
Fraser: "It was 'boom' 'bang' 'bing' your honor."

Fraser: "Oh, you're hungry, are you? Well, perhaps you should learn how to use the stove."
[Dief whimpers]
Fraser: "Just joking."
(Fraser talking to Dief)

"My father died, too."
"You never get over that, do you?"
(Fraser and Tyree)

Ray: "What is it, boy?"
[Dief barks]
"Is Fraser in trouble?"
[Dief barks]
(Ray and Dief do a Timmy and Lassie imitation)

"Ray (to Dief): "What'd you drag me all the way down here for?"
Fraser: "Probably just crying wolf."

Fraser: "You're not going to shoot either."
Lou: "'Cause I'm not a killer?"
Fraser: "No, I think you're an evil psychopath but if you try, Detective Vecchio will blow your brains off."
Ray: "Out."
Fraser: "Out. I'm sorry. I stand corrected. He will blow your brains out."
(why Lou won't shoot Fraser)

"Hunks on horses...let's do it."
(the major bad guy)

"What about the guy with the big ears?"
"You mean Ross Perot?"
"No, I was talking Mickey Mouse."
(Thatcher and the bad guy)

"I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Stirs the blood."
"You don't have blood. You're dead."
"Got the memory of blood--something beating in there."
(Benton and Robert Fraser)

"Would you look? My old stablemate."
"Looks good, doesn't he?"
"Ahhh...it's just the uniform!"
(Robert and Benton Fraser)

"The boys introduced me to a real eye-opener the other night. Moose hock rolled in wild boar tongue covered with Gorgonzola cheese."
"I'd like to try that sometime."
"Don't be too hasty. It seems to follow you around for a while."
(Buck Frobisher and Fraser)

Thatcher: "We will avoid specifics. We will speak only when spoken to. We will keep our responses short and to the point. We will maintain our postures. Above all we will act naturally. ...Why are they all staring at me?"
Fraser: "I suspect they are terrified, Ma'am"
(Thatcher instructing the Mounties on proper conduct)

"Why are you calling me, Benny?"
"You told me to, Ray."
"No, I didn't."
"Yes you did; in fact, your exact words were, 'Let me know how it goes.' "
"You see, this is another thing that's wrong with you, Benny. When someone tells you, let 'em know how it goes, they don't mean that you should call them and let 'em know how it's going as it's going. What they mean is that you should let them know how it goes after it's all said and done. You understand?"
"Not entirely, no."
(Ray and Fraser)

"What do you suppose we do?"
"I'd like a moment to think about that."
<Fraser jumps out window>
"Well, that's very helpful!"
(Thatcher yelling to Fraser after he leaps out train window)

"I thought it prudent to inform you."
"Inform me?...I've been living with it for a week!"
(Fraser and Frobisher)

"Great Scott!"
(Frobisher when he sees Fraser in his toilet; Fraser also repeats this later on he discovers that Buck can also see Fraser Sr.)

"On April 23rd, 1957, 60 miles north of Destruction Bay, two young men stood on a rope bridge which spanned a canyon, and on the other side of that bridge a young woman was being held in the clutches of a deviant. They had two cartridges between them and one rifle. They knew it was an impossible shot, but each one knew that whoever make that shot would secure the love of that woman. The first man tried. He failed. And the second one tried and...uh...he won the whole shooting match."
"And we were very happy, Caroline and I."
"I know that! But the question is that these two men, through their long years of friendship, often talked about that impossible shot and when they did, what did they call it?"
"The Great Yukon, Douglas Fir, Double-Telescoping Bank Shot!"
(Frobisher and Robert Fraser)

"Well, I'm dead. It affects the memory!"
(Fraser Sr. to Frobisher)

"I just love a woman in uniform, and these particular uniforms are so darned arresting!"
(Bolt to Fraser, after forcing Thatcher to change into her red serge)

"Am I some kind of bad luck god or what?"
(Ray complaining to his four poker-playing buddies when Fraser calls with terrorists' demands)

"When you hum it always means something."
(Frobisher to Fraser Sr.)

"I get a headache. I don't take a chainsaw to it. I swallow a couple of aspirin."
(Ray to Agent Ford)

Ford: "Let's be clear about one thing, alright? *You* are a conduit. You deliver the money, *nothing* more. Do we understand each other?"
Ray: "I don't think that's possible."

There are people on that train. Sure, they're Canadians, but they're still people."
(Ray to Welsh and the Feds)

"I'm confused, sir. What's the Musical Ride? I mean, some sort of theme-park thing?"
"Oh no, it's much more than that. It's 32 horses and riders moving as one; perfect harmony between man and beast; a kaleidoscope of manes and tails and battle lances crisscrossing in collage of synchronous movement. It takes your breath away!...I was a kid; it haunted me."
(FBI agent and Lt. Welsh)

"We have confirmation! A Mountie showed up for lunch in a farmer's house!"
(FBI agent)

"Ah-ha!"
"What d'ya got there?"
"I've found it! Found the brake."
"What makes you think it's the brake?"
"It's written right on it: BRAKE!"
"Ahhh! Could be a ruse."
"To what end?"
"Something criminal."
(Frobisher and Robert Fraser)

"Please..."
(Thatcher)

"There are times between men and women...there are things which arise...feelings...when things come up...y'know ...feelings...Enough said."
(Sgt. Buck Frobisher / Det. Ray Vecchio)

"She really takes death in her stride, doesn't she?"
(Robert Fraser)

"Ma'am!"
"Fraser!"
"Thank God you're alright!"
"I thought you were..."
"Dead? No ma'am."
"How did you..."
"That's not important. What is important..."
"Not important? I grieved for you!"
"You did?"
"Briefly."
(Fraser and Thatcher)

"Red suits you!"
(Fraser to Thatcher)

Thatcher: "You think I could be that cold-hearted?"
Fraser: "Well, forgive me, Ma'am, but I would have thought you more than up to the challenge."

"Actually, Fraser, I am upset. What makes you think we're so different? You graduated the first of your class and so did I. You received medals for field work, so did I. You wear red serge and I wear red serge. The only difference between us is that you're a woman and I'm not."
"I think you have that backwards, ma'am."
"You know what I mean!"
"Yes, I do."
"I'm not made of stone!"
"I'm very much aware of that."
"Are you?"
"Yes."
"You are?"
"I know you have a heart and I think it beats just the same as mine."
"You think it does? "
"Yes."
"What about right now?"
"It's racing!"
"Out of control?"
"A runaway."
(Thatcher and Fraser

Frobisher: "Ahh...em...I'm not one to throw water on an eager fire... the enemy is gathering in the caboose."
Thatcher & Fraser: "We were just, uh..."
Frobisher: "Strategy Session. I understand."
(Both Fraser and Thatcher stuttering to Frobisher after being caught kissing)

Ray: "I'm with the police."
Station Guy: "You are? And where are they?"

Ray: "Don't you have a way to track these trains? Like a computer or something?"
Train Guy: "Oh, they gave me a computer. It's a worthless piece of junk. Look, nothing but fishes. Fishes swimming around.."
Ray: "They call it a screensaver."
Train Guy: "Are some sort of expert?"

"Have I got a car!"
(Train station man to Ray, who introduces him to a souped-up jeep)

"Boy, times change. On balance I think for the better, but in my day a woman wouldn't be allowed..."
"Do you mind?"
"You mean that you can...?!"
<Frobisher nods>
"Great Scott!"
"Fellas, this is not a good time to ponder on one of death's mysteries!"
(Robert Fraser and Frobisher)

"I'm dead, and my advice has been growing stale lately."
(Fraser, Sr.)

"Good timing. We could use some extra men."
"Hey look, I just jumped onto a speeding train! You think someone could say, 'Hello!' "
"Hello, Ray. We're in a bit of a pickle."
"You're telling me, and it's a dill!"
(Frobisher, Ray and Fraser)

"If it was me, son, I'd saddle a horse!"
(Fraser, Sr.)

"What about the men?"
"Well if Benton's right, they should be coming to about... right now!"
<singing> "We're gonna ri-ide forever!"
(Robert Fraser and Frobisher; the Musical Ride Mounties)

Frobisher: "One, you defuse the train, two, stop the bomb."
Fraser: "Or we could defuse the bomb and stop the train."

Ahh! Ya see, this is what's wrong with you, Buck. You discount everything but the probable. It's why you couldn't make that shot way back then."
"Don't think you can twist the knife. That was springtime. I had my allergies."
"What ever helps you sleep!"
(Discussion about why Frobisher missed the shot that would have won him Caroline Pinsent. Fraser Sr. made the shot & married her)

"Bob, isn't that my old horse, Bucket, that was shot out from under me in the Dry Gulch Canyon?"
"Yes, I thought you'd like to see him again."
"Oh yes...very thoughtful."
"Did I congratulate on you the shot?"
"Yes, I hit the target."
"Well, anyway, it ranked right up there with the Great Yukon, Douglas Fir, Double-Telescoping Bank Shot. "You realize, of course, that I knew that you were always the one she loved."
"Oh...now you're saying you missed intentionally."
"We were friends."
(Frobisher and Robert Fraser)

"You realize, Fraser, that what happened between us can never repeat itself, unless of course the exact same circumstances were to repeat themselves."
"By 'exact same circumstances', you mean we would have to be aboard a train loaded with unconscious Mounties that had been taken over by terrorists and were heading for a nuclear disaster?"
"Exactly!"
(Thatcher and Fraser)

"Well, I only saw her face. I don't think I'd recognize her by her other features."
(Fraser)

"So what do you guys do for bachelor parties up there?"
"Well, at the only one I've *ever* attended Ray, the prize was rewarded for the best impression of the mating call of the bull moose."
"Yeah, don't tell me you won."
"Alright."
(Ray and Fraser)

"A 7 for a B'n'E? You've got to be kidding me! It can't be worth more that a 4."

4 for the bust, 3 for artistic impression."
(Ray and Huey)

"Oooh...nice uniform, Soldier."
"Ah, actually, I'm not a soldier. I'm a Mountie."
"I'll bet you are."
(Fraser and dancer)

"Benny, you're holding a rat."
"Yes, I'm aware of that Ray."
"Yuck! Now you're kissing it?!"
"No, I'm smelling her breath actually."
(Ray and Fraser)

"Constable Turnbull? Yes, it's Constable Fraser. Listen, I wonder if you'd be so kind as to stay on duty for... approximately 20 minutes until my arrival?...No, you won't get into trou--...I'm sure the Insp--...Turnbull? Turnbull, calm down. Now you are just the messenger. She will *not* shoot you...Well, if she does, I'll admit I was wrong."
(Fraser <on phone>)

"You have nothing to be afraid of. Well, that might not be true in the larger scheme of things, but this ordeal is over, so off you go. Toodle-oo."
(Fraser <to rat>)

"...you've got all the barbecue on the South Side. Wanna tell me what for?"
"We're tasting it."
"I can see that. What for?"
"You don't want to know."
"Try me."
"Rat's breath...told ya you didn't want to know."
(Ray and Elaine)

"Now don't wolf it down, you're supposed to taste."
(Fraser to Dief)

Ida: "Oh my God, he's here, he's here! Oh quick get in the closet."
Fraser: "Right you are."
Ray: "I'm not getting in the closet."
Ida: "He can't find you in here. It'll ruin everything.
Ray: "I'm not getting in the closet. I'm going to stand right here until he comes upstairs and were going to have a little chat."
Fraser: "Ray, please get in the closet."
Ray: "Benny, get out of the closet."
Fraser: "Get in the closet."
Ray: "I'm not getting in the closet!"
Fraser: "Ray, if you don't get in the closet you will lose your source." (the two men must hide in Ida's closet)

"I'm not gonna wake him up and ask him."
"Alright, fine. I will."
"No!"
"Probably won't have to. He's in a 4th stage REM trance, enhanced by the effects of alcohol."
"Well, what's that mean?!"
"It means he's talking in his sleep."
"Oh. You could have just said so."
(Ida, Ray, and Fraser)

"Turnbull? I sent him home over two hours ago. Would you care to tell me where you've been?"
"Well... I've been in a closet, ma'am."
"Any particular closet?"
"An exotic dancer's closet."
"Well, that's your business, of course."
"I don't think you understand, ma'am. I was in the closet with Detective Vecchio."
"I think that's all I care to hear about it, Constable. Perhaps you'll take the assignment I'm about to give you as an opportunity to reflect on the importance of punctuality."
(Thatcher and Fraser)

"Alright, so let's recap...I gotta guy who talks in his sleep and a stripper who's rippin' your clothes off."
"No, I didn't say she was trying to rip my clothes off. I said she merely slipped her...hand...it's not important."
(Ray and Fraser)

"You know, Benny, you've got to let me borrow that uniform sometime. It's got more juice than these glasses."
(Ray)

"You know, Ida, I think there probably is a good man waiting out there for you. One more worthy of your affection. Possibly one who can stay awake."
(Fraser)

"How 'bout Barry...is he gonna come?"
"Well, I guess we'll know when he gets here."
"Do you think you can be a little more non-commital?"
"Well, I didn't put a gun to his head."
"Ya know, Benny, you need a good luck charm. Something that'll give you more optimism."
"I happen to think I'm very optimistic, Ray."
"Alright, then tell me that Barry's gonna show. Did you feel it in your gut?"
"Well, I can't. Empirically, I don't know whether he's going to show."
"See...No optimism."
"Alright. Excuse me, we'll have *four* menus. please. Satisfied?"
"Yeah, it's a start."
"Good."
(Ray and Fraser)

"They came out of the closet, Ray."
(Fraser pointing out the obvious to his friend when Ordover's two thugs come out, guns aimed at them)

"What are you talking about, "edgy"? That's me, I always got an edge."
"It's not everyday you check your cell phone instead of your gun."
(Ray and Fraser)

"Well, thank you kindly."
"Don't be thanking him."
"Sorry."
(Fraser and Ray)

Fraser (to Madeline): "Ray, what exactly is 634 point 2?"
Ray (in bathroom): "A turkey in the shower??"

"Well, Benny, I guess you're gonna want to lick it."
"Why is that, Ray?"
"To see where it came from."
(Ray and Fraser)

"We need to find somewhere nice and soft to stop in."
"In the middle of the city?"
Fraser: "Think goosedown or shaving cream."
Ray: "Shaving cream? You think somebody's going to have a pile of shaving cream piled up somewhere in the middle of the city?"
Fraser: "Ray, we're brainstorming."
(discussing how to stop brakeless bus)

"Hey, that's a smart color for hunting season. Wish I could get everybody else to take the same precautions."
(Sheriff)

"If I was acting out of pure emotion, I would just kill the guy. So anything you see short of that is a model of restraint."
(Ray)

"There must be some logical explanation for why you're going around on duty with a Chicago policeman."
"Curious, possibly. But logical? No."
(Fraser to Charles Carver, when the criminal wonders what a Mountie is doing working with a Chicago cop)

"Even the brightest bulbs burn out."
(Fraser's witty remark to Charles Carver when the man implies he'd had to have an idiot to have left behind evidence)

"So, we're raiding chemistry classes now, Vecchio? Trying to combat this vicious epidemic of people trying to improve their minds in Chicago?"
(Welsh's caustic remarks to Ray after the detective bursts into Carver's tutoring session)

Ray: "A good cop is never wet and never hungry. Interrogation is a contact sport, and all suspects are guilty of something."
(Lt. Will Kelly's philosophy, as told to Fraser by Ray)

"Let me write that down."
(Charles Carver, upon hearing the above-mentioned philosophy via his bug in the Riv)

Francesca: "So, how about that Iditarod?"
Fraser: "Which one?"
(Francesca tries to talk about the Mountie's interests)

"...that doesn't mean strangers should treat each other like they were married."
"I love it when you're logical."
"You're pretty much going to like anything I say, aren't you?"
(Fraser to Francesca over dinner)

"You're stuck."
"Good assessment."
"This sucks."
"That's valid."
(Ray and Fraser)

"Constable Fraser, you're on a train loaded with explosives, and you're headed toward a nuclear disaster, and you avert that disaster. How does that make you feel?"
"Feel?"
"Feel"
"Fine"
(RCMP Media Consultant and Fraser )

Thatcher: "Fraser, our, um... What would be the word for it?"
Fraser: "Contact?"
Thatcher: "Contact. Yes, that's a good word. Our contact, in my opinion, is not something needing to be publicly aired."
Fraser: "Since it had no bearing on the outcome of the event, I agree. Furthermore, sir, I've followed your instructions, and I've tried to erase the 'contact' from my memory."
Thatcher: "And have you succeeded?"
Fraser: "Not entirely, no."
(Fraser and Thatcher discuss how much the press should know about the train adventure.)

(The following exchange was between Fraser and Ray, when both were at their respective homes, and neither one could hear the other one.)
Fraser: (To Dief, as he opens refrigerator) "What do you want?"
Ray: (Looking into refrigerator) "Nothing. Every time I open this box, I'm full of hope, and all I get is a choice between dill pickles and asiago cheese."
BOTH: "It's like having your knees cut out from underneath you."
Fraser: "He's feeling slighted, and not without justification. After all, if you go to extreme lengths, and your efforts are ignored..."
Ray: "It only makes a guy feel like... uhh... What do I feel like? Am I angry? Am I depressed? Or am I just jealous?"
BOTH: "I'm talking to myself."
Ray: "This is ridiculous."
Fraser: "It's ridiculous."
BOTH: "Nevertheless, we really have to try and talk this out."
Ray: "We put that guy behind bars. He's ready to go to trial. Now, I walked into that room today and this little bouncy reporter comes up to me and I'm thinking, 'All right, Ray, here's your chance. Here's a little reward for putting yourself in harm's way one more time.' And what's the first question she asks me? "So? What's the Mountie like?" He's Superman, ok? What do you expect me to say? He's a moron? He dresses up in that damned red suit every single day of his life like a sign post."
Fraser: "Come on Ray, that's not fair. I don't wear it all the time. The truth is there are times I wish I didn't have to wear it. I mean, the thing itches. It itches 365 days of the year, unless of course, it's a leap year in which case it itches 366 days. The point is, I don't wear it intentionally. It's part of my obligations."
Ray: "We are not talking about clothes here, Fraser, ok? We're talking about you, the most irritating man in the world."
Fraser: "Ray, I know I irritate you. But you have to believe me, I'm not trying to irritate you. It's not part of some sort of master plan. You know, the fact of the matter is I often try to imagine how you would handle a given situation. Just the other day for instance, I saw this woman who was in a wheelchair and she was having difficultiy with a set of doors. So I was just about to help her when all of a sudden I had your voice in my head: 'Hey, Fraser! What the hell's wrong with you? You gotta help every cripple in the greater Chicago area? What the hell do you think they have those handicap buttons for?'"
Ray: "So they can feel good about themselves. So they can do something on their own, without some do-gooder's help. But no. What do you do? You help them through anyway. You wheeled around and help them into a cab."
Fraser: "Which promptly ran over my foot. But the point of the anectode is this: while I was helping her, I knew that you would be irritated with me. But I'm sorry. I seem... I seem to be powerless to prevent that. I don't know... I don't know if it's some sort of flaw in my upbringing, or just genetic abnormality, or perhaps it's some aberrant property in the Tuktoyaktuk water system."
Ray: "Don't put this on the water Fraser, this is a conscious thing that you do, OK? You cover everything up. You squash it down. It's like that time with Frobisher? When that guy Counter stabbed you in the shoulder?"
Fraser: "Geiger"
Ray: "What?"
Fraser: "The man's name was Geiger"
Ray: "His name is Geiger Counter?"
Fraser: "No. Just Geiger. No Counter, and he stabbed me in the leg."
Ray: "Leg? Shoulder? What difference does it make?"
Fraser: "Well, Ray, when you're the one being stabbed, the difference is remarkable."
Ray: "The point is, Fraser, he stabbed you and were you angry?"
Fraser: "I was in pain!"
Ray: "We're talking about anger here, Fraser. A human emotion. Are you human? Because if you are, human beings feel things, ok? They feel anger, they feel love, they feel lust and fear. And sometimes, I know you don't want to hear this, sometimes they even cry."
(knock knock)
Ray: "Fraser?"
WHACK!
Fraser: "Ray?"
WHACK!

"I crave accuracy."
(Francis Bolt)

"My brother's problem is the same problem that plagues all geniuses--"
"Can't get a date?"
(Francis Bolt and Ray)

"Mid-May. 212 miles northwest of Whitehorse, in the Yukon Territories ... So, you'd been dispached to track down big game poachers that were coming across the border from Alaska. Despite your training, you could not have forseen that the poachers would convert a mine shaft into a bear trap... (Flashback of Fraser falling into the shaft) You have no idea how long you laid there. When you came to, you discovered you were not alone. Now your first thought was to save the animal. That's admirable, but not without certain drawbacks. (Fraser tosses young Dief out of shaft which dislodges a board which knocks him out.) When you came to, you were alone, without any visible means of escape. So you sat down to collect your thoughts. But how could you have thought that the animal would be so grateful as to come back and try to repay the favor? (Young Dief accidently dislodges a board which knocks the Mountie cold again) You were knocked out for a third time. But despite the gaffe, a bond was formed, and you've been together ever since..."
(Francis Bolt's "story" of how Fraser first met Dief)

"...I'm a mathematician. I look for symmetry, for order within chaos. Let us take the charter train coded 56023, for example. You are here to account for your part in thwarting my plan. A plan rigorous in its details. And as a wise man once said, God is in the details. So it is to God that you both now will answer. Oh, by the way, have either of you ever worn a Mexican poncho?"
(Francis Bolt, to Ray and Fraser)

"No, Mr. Mustafi, it's not *dangerous*. I just want you to knock on Constable Fraser's door."
(Thatcher)

"Are you two joined at the hip?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes."
(Judge Brock and Fraser)

Fraser: "You are not talking."
Ray: "No."
Fraser: "You're really not talking."
Ray: "That's right, Fraser, I'm really not talking."
Fraser: "Just so I can be really clear in my own mind, Ray, other than telling me you're not talking, you really are, in fact, not talking?"
Ray: "That's about the size of it."
(Ray is mad at Fraser because the Mountie is getting all the publicity.)

Fraser: "Objection, if I may. Your tract contains certain inaccuracies. Revere was unquestionably a patriot, but he did not make that ride alone, nor did he reach Concord."
Randall: "Oh, he didn't, did he smarty pants?"
Fraser: "No, he didn't. Revere, a doctor named Prescott, and a man named Dawe set out together from Lexington. En route, Revere and Dawe were detained by the British."
Randall: "So who did get to Concord?"
Fraser: "Dr. Prescott. Who's been largely ignored by history. In part because of distortions in Longfellow's poem. Distortions, I might add, you are perpetuating in this courtroom."
Ray: "Fraser, if you want to get us killed, just use the bombs."
Fraser: "I'm glad you are talking to me again, Ray."
(Fraser objects to Randal Bolt's "speech")

Ray: "Can you honestly say you're calm right now?!"
Fraser: "No, no. I'm uh..."
Ray: "What?"
Fraser: "I'm concerned."
(Ray's getting agitated while the two of them are connected to bomb with heart monitors, while Fraser looks in concern at the increasing heart rates)

Fraser: "*PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE*, Hmmmmmmmmmmm..."
Ray: "*What* are you *doing?*"
Fraser: "Hmmmmm - Dropping my heartrate - Hmmmmmm..."
Ray: "In the middle of an argument?"
Fraser: "Hmmmmmmm - Don't let me stop you - Hmmmmmm..."
Ray: "I'm gonna *kill* you!"
Fraser: "Hmmmmmm - That's very possible - Hmmmmmmm..."

Fraser: "Calm? Good. All right, now, three wires. Red, white, blue. Now if I remember correctly, it was the continental congress of 1872 that set out the meanings of the colors. Red was meant to stand for heartiness and courage. White was meant to stand for purity and innocence. Blue was meant to stand for vigilance and justice. None of which a terrorist could object to. So where does that leave us?"
Ray: "In the middle of a courtroom, strapped to a bomb, waiting to blow up. Where do you think?!"

Fraser: "I've never hated you, Ray. I've envied you, maybe."
Ray: "Envied me?"
Fraser: "I'm not proud of it. But you have... a kind of freedom I wish I had... A sort of existential honesty."
Ray: "Are you saying I'm honest?"
Fraser: "In your heart, yes."
(While the two are wired together to the bombs)

Thatcher (Signaling): "Where are the terrorists?"
Fraser (Signaling): "I have no idea. Do you?"
Thatcher (Signaling): "I'm not the one who's in the building. Moron."
Ray: "What did she say?"
Fraser: "She called me a moron."
Ray: "She's a very perceptive woman."
(Thatcher and Fraser communicate between two buildings via semaphore)

Fraser (Signaling): "Ask Detective Vecchio about green cheese?"
Thatcher (Signaling): "Spelling mistake."
(Fraser questions Thatcher's odd semaphore request, unaware she paused briefly to whack Ford in the face)

Fraser: "Oh dear."
Ray: "What?"
Fraser: "Well, it ... it would appear... Yep. I'm on fire, Ray."
Ray: "Well, at least the whole day isn't a total write-off."
(Fraser catches on fire as they slide down elevator cable wire)

"Why are we carrying our own bomb with us?"
"It might come in handy."
(Ray and Fraser)

Ray: "I just want you to know, (shoots at Bolt brothers) I mean, I know you are what you are and you can't help it. (shoots again) But it was very hard having a saint for a friend. Go!"
(They run. More exchange of gun fire)
Fraser: "I'm not a saint, Ray."
Ray: "Oh, I know you're not a saint, saint, like you got your own day. I mean a saint in the sense of..."
Fraser: "Like a metaphor?"
Ray: "Yeah. Like a metaphor."
Fraser: "Yes, but Ray, you are, as well. I mean, we all are, even them. (indicates Bolt brothers) You know what I mean?"
Ray: "Well, that's the scary thing, but I think I do."
Fraser: "Yes, that's probably why you and I are such close..."
Ray: "Oh, all right, don't get all mushy on me."
(Conversation in the middle of a shoot-out with Bolt brothers)

Ray: "You are not a matyr! You're a self-centered little creep who wants to get his face in the paper!"
Fraser: "Are you talking about me, Ray?"
Ray: "Indirectly."
(Ray yells at Randal Bolt)

Fraser: "For God's sake! What are you doing? That's not ours!"
Ray: "I know. It's their's."
Fraser: "It's not their's. That money belongs to someone else!"
Ray: "Oh, did they say bonds? I thought they said bombs."
Fraser: "Oh, that's very clever, Ray."
(Ray tosses duffel bag to the Bolt brothers)

"That kind of remind you of a bear trap?"
(Fraser to Dief, after Bolt brothrs fall into elevator shaft; the incident is similar to how Fraser and Dief met)

Thatcher (Signaling): "You have duties, Constable."
Fraser (Signaling): Understood... Red suits you. (semaphore between the two)

"Hang on a second, that woman looked straight at me."
"So?"
"Well Ray, for a Muslim woman to make direct eye contact with a strange man, it violates deep cultural tradition."
"Fraser, I don't think that's a violation under the Illinois Criminal Code."
(Ben and Ray)

"Police, drop your weapon!"
"You drop yours."
"That's not how this works."
(Ray and Robber)

"You're sure you're OK?"
"Who the hell are you?"
"Stop kidding around, you know damn well who I am!"
"Who the hell am I?"
"Oh Dear."
(Ray and Ben)

"It's a good thing your friend's got a hard head"
"Oh, I'm glad someone else finally noticed."
(Doctor to Ray)

"Hey Fraser, how you feeling?"
"Who?"
"You, Fraser, that's your name."
"F-r-a-s-i-e-r?"
"No, F-r-a-s-e-r."
"Ah, and you would be?"
"Ray."
"R-a-y?"
"That's correct. Detective Raymond Vecchio of the Chicago PD."
"Am I under arrest?"
"No, you're not under arrest, you're a cop too! You're Benton Fraser of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police."
"Oh, so we're in Canada."
"No, we're in Chicago."

----- flashback -----

"You're going to shoot a Mountie. They'll hunt you to the ends of the earth."
(Robert Fraser (Pilot))

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a Detective Armani."
(Ben (Pilot))

"Oh, so you were attempting to sell him a truckload of illegaly obtained mens clothing?"
"That's right."
"Isn't that entrapment?"
(Ben and Ray (Pilot))

"And then we, um, bonded."
"Bonded. We bonded?"
"Yeah, you can say that."
(Ray and Ben)

----- flashback -----

"Your kidding right? This is your job? This is like your real job? Do you believe it? This is his job. They actually pay people to do this in Canada."
(Ray (Pilot))

"... the van sped away, you jumped onto the van and as you were leaning back to get the licence you..."
"Hang on, hang on ... I jumped onto a moving van?"
"Yeah, it's something you do all the time."
"What am I, stupid?"
"No, you're a hero."
"Ah?!"
(Ray and Ben)

----- flashback -----

"Please stop immediately, this is not your vehicle"
(Ben hanging onto Lenny's car (Pizzas and Promises))

"Would you consider discussing this over coffee?"
(Ben hanging onto the taxi (Chicago Holiday)

"You think maybe you got me mixed up with someone else maybe?"
"Allright, look Fraser, we've got to get you back to normal. Here, put this on." (Ray hands Ben the Red Serge jacket)
"Ooh that's bright."
"Yeah but you look good in it."
"... really bright."
(Ben and Ray)

BANG/CRASH
"Fraser?!?!"
"What?"
"You didn't hold the door open for this woman!"
"So?"
"You always hold the door for women."
(Ray and Ben)

----- flashback -----

"It only takes an extra second to be curteous."
(Ben (Pilot))

"Just like you help old ladies across the street, you let people in front of you in line ..."
(Ray)

----- flashback -----

"Hello everyone, how are you?"
(Ben getting into the truck after being arrested (Chicago Holiday))

"That's what you do."
"Why?"
"'Cause you're polite."

----- flashback -----

"Thank you kindly."
( Ben (various episodes))

"Excuse me, can I have your attention please? Thank you. Anyone carrying illegal weapons if you would place them on the bar -- You are under arrest."
(Knife thrown embeds itself in the wall next to Ben's head)
"You realise I'm going to have to confiscate that?"
(Ben (Pilot))

"C'mon Mack, no-one's that polite!"
"You are! And my name's not Mac, it's Ray."
(Ben and Ray)

"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"What the hell kind of name is *Benton* anyway?"
"Ah... it's going to be a lot harder than I thought."
(Ben and Ray)

Rhonda (TMWKTL): "Hello there."
Ben: "Hi."
Ray: "What's the matter?"
Ben: "Well, I mean, that woman ....pppffftt."
Ray: "Oh, it happens all the time."
Ben: "Really?"
Ray: "Oh yeah."

----- flashback -----

"Which car?"
"All of them."
(Ben and Customer (Pizzas and Promises))

"Would you ah ..."
"Anytime."
(Ben and the 'twins' in the nightclub (Chicago Holiday))

"May I help you."
"I'm looking for a woman... A particular woman. Her name is Miss Burns. Would you happen to know if she's here?"
"I haven't any idea. I don't work here."
"Then how could you possibly help me?"
Ben and Customer in bridal shop (An Invitation to Romance))

"Oh sorry, I didn't know you were in here"
"Didn't know, she's been standing in the doorway timing it hoping you'd be undressed"
(Franny and Maria (They Eat Horses, Don't They?))

"Don't be afraid ... "
(Franny (The Deal))

"You slept with my sister!?"
"Did she say that?"
"No she did not say that. She's my sister, I do not discuss sex with my sister."
"So, she didn't say ..."
"No."
"Oh well, very well, forget that I mentioned it."
"Hey, Fraser."
(Ray and Ben (Heaven and Earth))

"Did you sleep with him?"
"Why? Why? Would it matter to you if I did?"
"Yes, it would, you're my sister. I care about you."
(Ray and Franny (Heaven and Earth))

"If I want anybody to sleep with my sister -- and I'm not encouraging this -- I'd want it to be you."
"That's generous of you Ray."
(Ray and Ben (Heaven and Earth))

"I live like this? Am I being punished?"
(Ben)

----- flashback -----

"Is my lanyard straight?"
"He's a slum lord!"
(Ben and Ray (Free Willie))

"Would you like to see my references now?"
"References?"
"It's like a rap sheet."
"No, that's OK."
(Ben, Dennis and Ray (Free Willie))

"On a good day you can see Canada just across the lake."
"Canada is 480 miles due North."
"You have to really squint."
(Ben and Dennis (Free Willie))

"It's ok, it's Diefenbaker, your wolf."
"I own a wolf?!"

----- flashback -----

"Un-mush, un-mush... You ought to get that dog a hearing aid."
(Ray (Pizzas and Promises))

"Well, are you coming? You know, you let a wolf save your life ... they make you pay and pay and pay."
(Ben (Chinatown))

----- flashback -----

"That Sam's case was nothing like this."
"No, I know but what I can't seem to find is ..."
"Hello Son."
"Hello Dad. How are you?"
"I'm dead son. Other than that you mean?"
"No, that's what I was asking."
"Oh, right son. Never be ashamed to ask a stupid question. I taught you that."
"Not specifically, no."
"Well, no time like the present."
(Robert Fraser and Ben (Gift of the Wheelman))

... is there any insanity in our family?"
"No, not that I'm aware of."
"Good."
"Well, there was your uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage leaves but we assume that was a freak accident. Go on..."
(Robert Fraser and Ben (Gift of the Wheelman))

"Anything happen?"
"In what sense?"
(Ray and Ben (Gift of the Wheelman))

"Ray, are she and I ...."
"She hates you."
"Ah, that's too bad. Are you sure that the inspector and I never ..."
(Ben and Ray about Inspector Meg Thatcher)

----- flashback -----

"Fraser, come with me."
(Victoria (Victoria's Secret))

"She's got a gun."
(Ray (Victoria's Secret))

"You shot me! Are you definitely sure that we're friends?!?"
"Yes, we're friends. I've done more for you than anyone."
(Ben and Ray)

----- flashback -----

"Archimedes said 'Give me a fulcrum and a lever long enough and I can move the world."
"Why do I always have to be the fulcrum?"
(Ben and Ray (A Hawk and a Handsaw))

"You know something, it's probably better that there are some things I don't remember."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
(Ben and Ray)

"Why are we friends?"
(Ben)

----- flashback -----

"She shot my hat, Ray."
"She shot you in the hat?"
"I can feel air coming in through the hole"
"She shot you in the hat alright."
"How does it look?"
"It doesn't look good."
"We'll have to go home and get my other one."
"We can do that Fraser."
"Thanks Ray."
(Ben and Ray (Free Willie))

----- flashback -----

"Is she dead?"
"I hate men."
"No, just dissapointed."
(Ben, Ray and Tammy. (Pizzas and Promises))

"I mean, it's just one of those special cases where alone we're incomplete but together we're better than we are seperately."
"... it's like that time we were hanging onto that van by our fingernails and I was trying to open the door ..."
"I don't remember that."
"Sure you do, sure you do. I leaned down to try and read the licence plate and I ahh ..."
"Fell off."
"Yes."
"Hey, you remember it!"
"What was the licence plate number?"
"It was partially obscured by mud, in fact the whole general deterioration ..."
"Hey! What was the licence plate number?"
"Oh, the licence plate number -- RCW 139."
"RCW 139 -- are you sure?"
"Yes, of course I'm sure."
"Oh Ben, I could just kiss you!"
"I thought we were just friends Ray."
"Oh, we are ... "
(Ray and Ben)

"You know Ray, I think there's more to this than meets the eye. The bonds on Mr Clifford's hands are tied for security not as if they'd been playing a game. Although, you know, it does remind me of an Inuit ceremony I once witnessed in which the bride was tied to the groom by means of a walrus pelt..."
(Ben)

"Great Scott Ray, look at my uniform!"
"I was wondering when you'd notice that."
(Ben and Ray)

".. I should stop talking?"
(Ben)

"We liked it."
(David Marciano after the credits.)