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Pilot Episode - A Cop, A Mountie, and a Baby
"You're going to shoot a Mountie? They'll hunt you to the ends of the Earth."
(Fraser Sr. to his soon-to-be-killer)
"[That's] the last time *he'll* fish over the limit."
(Fraser to fellow Mounties regarding captured criminal he tosses
into the jail cell)
"You're sure they were Americans, eh?"
"They were all wearing new boots, they were driving a Jeep Wrangler, and
they carried big guns."
"Americans it is."
(plane pilot, Benton Fraser)
"Pet, was it?"
(Coroner, as Fraser dumps dead caribou on table)
Airport Hustler: "You're going to give a perfect stranger a hundred dollars?
You're kidding?"
Fraser: "Son, I never kid about a child's life."
(Fraser gives money to a total stranger at the airport)
"Excuse me... I'm looking for a Detective Armani?"
(Benton Fraser)
Moffat: "You'd be surprised at the number of people who underestimate me, Fraser."
Fraser: "I don't think so, sir."
(Fraser patiently listening to his superior ramble on)
"I'm talking to a corpse here."
(Ray muttering to himself as Fraser stands at attention outside Consulate)
"You're kidding, right? This is your job? This is, like, your *real* job?
Do you believe it? This is his job. They actually pay people to do this
in Canada."
(Ray Vecchio)
"My bet is there ain't a lot of high speed chases in Canada."
(Ray Vecchio)
"He's getting intimate with me!"
(Ray Vecchio, as Diefenbaker crawls all over him)
"Really? I didn't know wolves saved lives."
"Well, he doesn't always. I mean, he'll save you if he sees you."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
"He reads lips?"
"I've never been sure. If so, he's self-taught."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
"They think I'm complete scum. And down here, your reputation is everything."
(Ray explaining his undercover work to Fraser)
Fraser: "Well, perhaps if we identified ourselves and then questioned them
directly, they'd cooperate."
Ray: "And what would make them do that?"
Fraser: "Their basic respect for the law."
Ray: "I think we're going to do this my way."
(Ray explaining how they'll handle going into a rough tavern)
"You have a hat line embedded in your forehead."
(Ray to Fraser)
"Who carries an unloaded gun? Would I carry an unloaded gun? Would
anybody I know carry an unloaded gun? What do they shoot people with
in Canada, serviettes?"
(Ray Vecchio)
"You say you identified him by his nose?"
"Yes, sir."
"You didn't say something about his nose, causing him to fire repeatedly
into the bar?"
"Ah, no, sir."
"You just felt that his nose was so offensive that you decided to pursue
and arrest him?"
(Captain Walsh, Ray Vecchio)
"The wolf was just trying to help, sir."
"They usually are."
(Ray Vecchio, Capt. Walsh)
"Walk her to her door."
"This is Canadian!"
"So is she."
(Benton Fraser, cabbie)
Fraser: "Is it always like this?"
Ray: "It's okay. They only attack the ones they love."
(Ray explaining his family's loud behavior at the dinner table to Fraser)
"[He's] very nice...so polite."
"He's Canadian, Ma."
"Oh, I thought he was sick or something."
(Mrs. Vecchio, Ray Vecchio)
"You're among friends, use your fingers!" (Mrs. Vecchio to Fraser)
"Oh, no, that is disgusting!"
(Ray upon seeing Fraser 'taste' dirt off the sidewalk)
Fraser: "I guessed. I had a hunch."
Ray: "No, no, no, no. You don't have hunches. *I* have hunches."
Fraser: "I had one of your hunches, Ray. Felt good."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
"Why? What are you gonna do? Tell him to surrender or you're gonna eat
something off the curb?"
(Ray Vecchio)
"12700 Franklin, one officer on the scene, and tell 'em not to shoot the
guy in the hat."
(Ray Vecchio)
"Go ahead, shoot. Be a hell of a lot easier than getting out of this snowsuit."
(Ray to Fraser up in the Yukon. He's all bandaged up from previous
explosion and clad in heavy snowsuit.)
"You see, that's such a simple plan that the American mind automatically
tends to discount it, so let me run it back to you. We wait here.
Girard and God knows who else comes, sometime when? We're not sure.
And then, when we least expect it, they shoot us dead with automatic
weapons. Any part I left out?"
(Ray Vecchio)
"So, we've some fishing rods, a rifle last used by Chuck Conners, and a bag of
rice."
(Ray to Fraser, regarding their defensive arsenal against bad guys)
Fraser: "When I graduated from the Academy, my father gave me one piece of
advice. He said always... no, he said never... well, actually he gave me
two pieces of advice but I've forgotten the other one but the important
one is, never chase a man over a cliff."
Ray: "That's supposed to mean something in Canadian, isn't it?"
Fraser: "If you're going to take on a man, you'd better know more than he does."
Being an American, I also know where my strength lies, and that's in being
as heavily armed as possible at all times. It's all completely legal, I
swear to you."
(Ray explaining his cache of weaponry to Fraser, which includes even a
hand grenade!)
"Cool."
(Ray to himself after bopping bad guy on head with stick out in wilderness)
"You shoot me, and they'll hunt you to the ends of the Earth."
(Benton Fraser)
"Sorry, thought he was a caribou. So many hunting accidents around here."
(native hunter)
"You know we just took out seven guys? One more and you qualify for
American citizenship."
(Ray Vecchio)
"Everyone says he [Fraser Sr] was the last of a breed. It's not true. You are."
(Underhill to Fraser after Gerard's trial)
"I talked to the Super at your last job. He suggested transferring you
further north." "Do me a favor. Let's just turn around; I'll take you back to
your hotel." "Fraser, you do not want to live in this neighborhood. Cops do
not live in areas like this. Most people we bust wouldn't
live here." Fraser: "I forgot to ask if they take pets." "It only takes a little extra effort to be a good neighbour, Ray." "He's not some kind of nut, is he?" "What are you, a flying boy scout or something ?!" Ray: "Does the word 'incarcerate' mean anything to you?!?!" Okay, I know you're acting as Canada's last line of defense here, guarding
your consulate against marauding cleanser salesmen, but we've got a
problem." Ray: "You know maybe up in the Arctic Circle you cooperate with your cop
friends. I mean, who's going to fight over ice, right?" It's a Mountie thing, sir. Two more points and he gets to go camping." Fraser: "Permission to speak freely, sir?
Welsh: "This I like." Ray:"What?? They don't have women in the Yukon?" Fraser: "Can you make a bed?" Do all Canadians grow up longing to be doormen, because this does explain
the uniform..." "You know, Ray, when I was a young man, my father told me one thing to
always remember about thieves. Well, actually he told me two things, but
I've forgotten the other one. Anyway, the important one is that despite
the adage, you will rarely find honour among thieves." "Oh, that's good, Benny. Threaten her with your camping utensils." "She shot me in the hat, Ray." Fraser: "If you didn't know what I was planning, then why'd you play along?" "Did you know that he pins his wallet to his underwear?" "Here. Take the wallet. Just give me an allowance." "Wait a minute! Just how many best friends have you had, anyway?" "Big hat, sweet little grin, crooked as they come." "I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation. I am. I
am a Mountie." Ray: "On my word as a transvestite." Ray:"What's it going to cost to work out for a little while?" "They're following you around town now?" "Mackenzie King: "Go around!" "I only asked you once and you got it?" "So let me get this straight. This is what they do in the Yukon - they
arrest everybody who doesn't drool?" "...Except for the War of 1812, where your country invaded ours and we sent
you packing. But that's hardly worth mentioning." "Do you have to undo all your buttons to go to the bathroom?" "I just married the wrong man. I was in love with someone else." "February 13---Ten years ago I would never have walked into
something like this. A bear trap so poorly camouflaged a
child would have seen it but I didn't. I pried it open and
got my leg out but there was no way I could make it back. I
was prepared to die out here. And to be honest, I felt I
deserved it. A man gets too old for a job he should know it,
and stop. But then Buck found me. I don't know how. No one
knew where I was going but he found me and carried me back.
Three days over terrain a mule couldn't navigate. Laughing his
ass off the entire way. Riding like that, completely helpless,
slung over Buck's shoulder and staring down his back I came to
understand two things. One, at a certain point in life a man's
hips spread and there's nothing you can do about it and two,
there's a very easy way to define friendship. A friend is someone
who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home." "I need your help, Ray." "You track a man about as quietly as I pass wind." "And this guy's coming here to my city?" "You ran away, but you brought your dress uniform with you?" "You remember that wallet that you stitched for your father when
you were just a kid?" "Now *there's* a country that knows what to export." Ray: "Now this is gonna take some teamwork, so listen up. Here's how it's gonna
be. I go to the front door, you stay in the car. I go into the bar, you
stay in the car. I question the locals of the whereabouts of one Walter
Ho, you stay in the car. When I get back here, where do I find you guys?" Frobisher: "Let's go." "Chicago P. D., pal, don't make me use my gun. That's it, that's my gun,
don't make me use it." "Very nice people, these Americans. You hear these stories." "Okay, I'll get the shovel. You handle the interrogation." "You know, I got a nephew in Canada. His name is Gerald Simpson. You know him?" "They tried to cut off my boots." "How's Dief?" "Oh, yeah, this makes sense. We got half the police department after this
guy, but is he going to worry about that? No. He's got two limping
Mounties on his tail." "Slow down a little... stop." "Oh, no! You're tasting things again? Oh, that is the grossest thing I
have ever seen." "Do you have any idea what's in this water?" "Oh, ah, excuse me, my associate's applying dairy foods to his body." "Oh, no! You're putting beef on your nose? Stop that!" "This meat is bad." "Look, you can reach me or the world's nicest person through this number." "You know, Fraser, when I was a little boy, I used to dream of what it
would be like to be a police officer. You know, shooting the bad guys,
saving the girl. Being knee-deep in day-old chicken heads looking for
tainted meat was never a part of that dream." "You know what really annoys me? Why am I covered in crud and you look
like you just got back from a hand laundry?" "Look, I gotta go, Fraser's picking lint off me again." "Oh! Sorry, I didn't know you were in here." "Well, thank you, but I'm afraid I'm not having a shower." "Your deaf wolf just ate my jelly doughnut." "This is why I don't like to help you because I get humiliated." "Leggett: (leering) "You know what she needs, don't you?" "You got a problem with something?" "You know what I just decided? I've just decided that you are so *nuts* I'm
gonna let you have that patty." "Yo, Sgt. Preston. I bring news from the trading post." "Great. I'll get the car, you say goodbye to the babe." "Ray, what's a come-on?" "You don't have a phone." "No matter what you say, you cannot base an investigation on a theory
developed from the casting of a television series." "Well, it's a dry cold." Ray: "Some people die in their sleep. Others die making love to a
beautiful woman. I am going to die wrapped in meat." "And I really want to thank him for everything he has done. In fact, I
want to give him a *big* hug, but I'm afraid I will wrinkle him." "I had to rent to a Mountie." Mario: "He used you as a human shield?" "Thanks. I think you really made his day." Ray: "I still don't believe you did that." Fraser: "You mean you're using some promotional ploy to get something
for nothing?" "I'm not going to turn Chicago upside down just to satisfy your twisted
sense of honor." "Excuse me--have you seen a 1977 green Comet followed by a white wolf?" "Oh no, you're sniffling piddle!" "Fraser's looking for his dog again." "First dirt tasting, now piddle-sniffing, I don't want to be around when
you start listening to dung." Fraser: "Stupid rookie mistake." "Unfortunately wolves are such notoriously bad witnesses. In my
experience, they tend to fold under cross-examination." "When I was a young scout working on my ecology badge I insinuated myself
into a hunting party in order to catch a baby seal killer." "So if you can't say something untrue, please don't say anything at all." "Damn. He's as bad as his dog." "Excuse me, I'd like to take a test drive." Fraser: "You need me to create a distraction?" "Oh, an emergency. I'm sorry. What a shame." Fraser: "You know, Lenny, I'm a man who believes in destiny. But it's
a destiny of your own choosing. Just because a trail leads one way
doesn't mean you can't cut your own path." Ray:"One hundred women in my black book and you had to call my sister." You keep this up and I'm going to let Fraser read your diary." Fraser: "You killed her hamster, Ray?" Ray: "Dead?" "Oh, I don't like to touch his savings account." "No, no, no, no, you can't take that attitude. It's a health regulation;
there's a very good reason for it." "[Fraser orders in Chinese.]
"How did you do that?" "You think he's all right?" "Oh, yeah, I hate when that happens." "Oh, no, Benny, not the window! ...I don't think they have doors in Canada." "You know what we have here, Jack? Another case of 'speeding with a dirty
license plate.'" Fraser: "There's a wise Chinese expression. Under the fragrant bait you will
find a hooked fish." "Okay, have you humiliated me enough for one night, or do we need to
cruise the neighborhood so you can smell out a robbery?" "That's a cultural stereotype, Ray." "Who's he?" "In Canada, we have more than a passing familiarity with confusion. We're
comprised of 10 provinces and 2 territories communicating across 6 time
zones in 2 official languages. The English don't understand the French,
the French don't understand the English, and the Inuit quite frankly
couldn't give a damn about either of them. Added to the equation is the
Assembly of First Nations, with a total of 633 separate Indian bands
speaking 180 sub-dialects among their 50 linguistic groups. And as if
that weren't enough, there are some fisherman on the east coast with a
remarkably whimsical accent..." "Oh, and I want two of our best people undercover in Chinatown. Get
McCletsky and O'Hara." "The FBI guys couldn't find Waldo if they took the book home for the weekend." "I'm not certain but it sounds like 'doowsh, doowsh.' What does that sound
like to you?" Fraser: "You know, you--you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay
and pay and pay..." Louis, try to grasp this concept. A Mountie and a badly dressed Italian
are solving more cases than we are. Our image is tarnished, our caseload
has slipped, and I spend more time plucking out grey hairs than I do with
my tailor." "You cannot track a Lincoln Town Car through the streets of Chicago. It's
not like a beaver. It doesn't leave nice little tail tracks in the tundra." "Why do I feel more and more like Dale Evans? ... Hey, Roy, wait for me!" "Spend a lot of time alone as a child, Fraser?" Fraser: "We're eavesdropping, aren't we?" "Okay, that's it. I'm not going to stand here and watch while you
eat hairballs off the floor." Fraser: "It's not like anything I've ever tasted." Ray:"Where's the kid?" "Nice shot, by the way...knocking it out of the guy's hand." "I know what it is. I'm an idiot. I meet this guy, he's like no one I've
ever met before... You know? --Warm, caring, sensitive...the kind that
really rips your guts out. And right there--*right there*--I should
have known. There should have been this big neon sign flashing in
ten-foot-high letters, 'Elaine, you're about to make a complete fool of
yourself!' I mean, just who the hell does he think he is? Coming around
here with that dopey looking grin, saying things like, 'Good morning,
Elaine'...'How are you today, Elaine?'...'Thank you kindly for your time,
Elaine.' Like I'm supposed to just take that? And the minute you let him
get to you, you can't sleep, your skin starts to break out, and the next
thing you know you're wandering around supermarkets humming tunes by the
Carpenters at the top of your lungs! Do you have any idea what that
feels like?" "You have to give opera more than one chance. That was the Yukon Light
Opera and I thought they did their very best under extraordinarily
difficult circumstances. In fact, it's a miracle that poor woman was
able to sing at all after having been dragged from that snowdrift." "May I be frank? I only started talking with you on that ice floe out
of sheer boredom. Now you've got an opinion on virtually everything." "Well, from now on, you can keep your opinions to yourself. Oh, how do I look?" Ray: "You got me off the biggest case of my career to bring you a pair of gloves?" Ray: "...The one in the green dress dancing with the doofus?" "I've got to find new friends." "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to break the speed limit." "I need more [money] too." "A costume party, is it? Sounds like good clean fun." Dentist in leather: "I've been bad. I've been very bad. Please punish me." Elaine: "Someone asked me out. This man has been after me for months, but
I said no, I want to get some sleep. Next time I'm going to say yes. I
mean, you can't keep someone waiting forever, now can you?" Fraser: "Well, no, that would be unfair." Ray: "I am talking to you, one human being to another." Ray: "No. We are 18 floors up." "You are under arr-- Oh dear!" "Have you ever said something that you've truly regretted?" Fraser: "You know, I ran away once when I was your age." "You told me to stop running." Ray: "Your hair is who you are, Fraser. It makes a statement. ... If it's
straight and slicked back so I guess it's got that 'mess with me and
you're dead' style. Good for the job. The contouring around the ears?
That's unexpected. That says 'watch out, this guy might be dangerous,'
and then the feathering around the back? Well, that's a nod to the female
demographic. So what's it saying? It's saying 'deadly and dangerous but
not afraid to cry." "Fraser, there's a baby in my car." "Oh come on, Fraser! Don't give me that big-eyed Mountie look." Ray:"This is pathetic." Ray: "So, what? The wolf has a thing about family values?" "Oh great, we've got a jealous wolf now?" "Diefenbaker, No. You heard him, it's procedure. He has a philosophical
objection, you understand." "This is interesting..." "They say that you believe in people, that you're the only one in the
neighbourhood without locks on his doors." "Detective. I can't decide whether you are just naturally offensive or
just naturally ignorant." Ray: "You're breaking your heart over someone else's kid. It's not a
smart move." "You want to get that wolf away from my kid?" Vinnie: "What do I need with a wolf?" "This is nuts, man." "Oh great. So now he changes his mind. With guns and criminals?" Fraser: "You take the big one. I'll take the bigger one." Ray: "She just didn't notice my je ne sais qois."
"Well, that would put me in Russia, sir."
(RCMP Officer, Benton Fraser)
FREE WILLIE
"Oh, I can't. I checked out. The windows wouldn't open."
"Fraser, this is Chicago. The only reason to open a window is to get a
better aim."
(Ray explaining to Fraser why the Mountie couldn't open the hotel windows)
"It's central, convenient. I can walk to work in seven minutes."
"Not without backup."
(Ray and Fraser)
Ray: "Oh yeah. A dog could easily throw off the delicately balanced ecosystem.
Don't worry, big fella. You'll have plenty to hunt in here."
(Discussing Fraser's new and ratty dwellings)
(Benton Fraser)
"He's a Mountie. It's something they do."
(Explaining why Fraser jumped out the window on to the fire escape)
(Willie Lambert)
Fraser: "Well, it comes from the medieval Latin, 'incarcerata...'"
Ray: "medieval Latin? You let a perp go and you're giving me medieval
Latin?!"
Fraser: "Actually, perpetrator is also Latin, from 'perpetrare...'"
Ray: "Shut up, okay? Just shut up."
(Ray to Fraser)
Fraser: "Well, actually there was an incident once..."
Welsh: "I thought they sent you back up to the Yukon?"
Fraser: "Well, they did, sir. And then they sent me back here again. I'm
afraid I'm not all that well-liked up there, sir."
Welsh: "By up there, you mean..."
Fraser: "Pretty much all of Canada, sir."
(Ray to Welsh, explaining Fraser's diligence)
Welsh: "One more thing. If you lose him [Willie], Vecchio loses his shield."
Fraser: "That's perfectly reasonable."
Fraser: "Certainly... it's just they're not quite so... uh..."
(Poor Fraser; he's not used to assertive women)
Willie: "You mean, out of twigs?"
(Ray to Fraser, who holds door open for people at building)
"Can't remember the other one?"
"It was something about tying a wallet to your underwear. I was very young
at the time."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray after Fraser pulls out knife when Morgan threatens them with gun)
"She shot you in the hat?"
"I can feel air coming in through the hole."
"She shot you in the hat, all right."
"How does it look, Ray?"
"Doesn't look good."
"We'll have to go home and get my other one."
"We can do that, Fraser."
"Thanks, Ray."
(Upset after Morgan took a shot at him, his hat has a definite hole in it)
Ray: "I wasn't playing along. I was begging for my life!"
Fraser: "Oh. Oh well, uh, my mistake."
(Fraser assumed Ray knew what he was doing when he left the detective with Morgan)
"Cool."
"Well, actually I was very young and the underwear was rather long and ... Ray?"
(Ray Vecchio, Elaine Besbriss, Benton Fraser)
(Ray to Fraser, who is constantly borrowing money)
(Ray)
DIEFENBAKER'S DAY OFF
(Mackenzie King to her boss regarding Fraser)
(Fraser, to Diefenbaker, about his love life, as he puts the milk on the
shelf, not in the refrigerator)
Fraser: "What's that, Ray?"
Ray: "It's a Chicago thing."
Man: "Your life?"
(Ray wants to go boxing at gym and it doesn't look good for him)
(Ray to Fraser upon finding Mackenzie King hiding in the back seat of
the Riviera. He thinks women are following the Mountie everywhere)
Ray: "On the sidewalk? Oh yeah, you'd love that. Maniac detective
slaughters pedestrians."
(Mackenzie wants Ray to drive the Buick off the road)
(Fraser to Ray, upon getting 'wolf' license for Diefenbaker)
(Ray Vecchio)
MANHUNT
(Benton Fraser)
"Ah. Well. No. Another question? Yes?"
"How many do you have to undo?"
"Just enough to get my trousers undone--yes?"
"Do they have toilets in Canada?"
"Yes, we do."
(boy in school, Benton Fraser)
"Oh. I...you don't mean..."
"No, Fraser, it wasn't you."
"Good. ... No, I don't mean 'good.' I mean - I mean ... I ..."
(Julie Frobisher, Benton Fraser)
(Robert Fraser (Journal entry))
"Does it involve domestic animals?"
"Not that I am aware."
"Then I'm your man."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Buck Frobisher)
"I believe so, yes."
"God, I hate tourists!"
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
"No, I rented it. If we don't catch him by Tuesday, I have to pay extra."
(Benton Fraser, Buck Frobisher)
"He showed you that?"
"He used it until it started to fall apart and he used it til even
after then. When I brought him out that time it must have fallen
out of his pocket and got lost. When he got out of the hospital
the first thing he did was go back up there to try to find it."
"Did he?"
"Yeah."
(Buck Frobisher and Fraser)
"Absolutely."
(Female cop, Elaine Besbriss)
Fraser: "In the car?"
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
Fraser: "Right. Oh, and Dief? When I come back, I expect to find you in the car."
(Ray Vecchio)
(Frobisher to whomever, after leaving Chuck's bar)
(Ray to Fraser at graveside when their potential suspect turns up long
dead and buried)
"Yes."
(Nurse, Benton Fraser)
"No!"
"Right up the side. I wouldn't let them."
"Well, I don't blame you. Lose a leg, sure, but a good pair of boots isn't
easy to replace."
(Fraser remarking about treatment in hospital)
"Oh, I rented him _Rin-Tin-Tin_, he's thrilled."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray griping about an injured Fraser and Buck going after Geiger)
"What? You see another bent twig?"
"No, it's a gum wrapper, and there appears to be something inside."
"Of course there is--disease! Someone had that in their mouth. Now don't be
opening that in my car."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray Vecchio)
"I would suspect a high percentage of ammonia, phosphorous, and cyanide."
"Wrong. Rats. Rats *this* big. And you know what they're doing? They're
laughing at us. I'm in a canoe with two wounded Mounties and I'm being
humiliated by rats."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
THEY EAT HORSES, DON'T THEY?
(Ray Vecchio to Ms. Broccoli)
(Ray Vecchio)
"Well, that's a shame, because it looks really good on you. Why don't you
dab a little pork behind your ears?"
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray to Mrs. Gamez, handing over his phone number; the nicest person is
of course Fraser)
(Ray to Fraser, as they rummage through garbage dumpster)
"I don't know. I've always been this way."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
(Ray Vecchio)
"Didn't know?! She's been standing in the doorway, timing it so you'd be
undressed."
(Francesca Vecchio, Maria Vecchio)
"Oh, don't be silly, it's really no trouble. --And don't use all the hot
water!-- I'll wait for mine."
"Yeah, by the keyhole!"
(Benton Fraser, Francesca Vecchio, Maria Vecchio)
(Ray Vecchio)
(Ray to Fraser in squadroom)
Fraser: "Well, yes. A world where people don't value life by the pound."
(Discussion regarding Stephanie Cabot)
"You oughtta move your foot."
"Maybe I don't want to move my foot."
"But if you don't move your foot, I can't get to that horse patty."
(Ray Vecchio, Zaleb Carney)
(Ray to Carney)
(Ray to Fraser, at horse auction)
"Babe? ...Oh, you mean..."
"Yeah."
"Well, I--there's noth--there's nothing between us."
"Heh heh. I'm sure."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
(Benton Fraser)
"Thank you. ...You came all the way here to tell me that?"
(Stephanie Cabot, Benton Fraser)
"You're just mad because I was right."
"No, I'm not mad, it just doesn't make any sense."
"Oh, and putting horse meat on your nose does?"
"Well, that was different."
"You're telling me."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Fraser to Ray, as both are trapped in freezing locker)
Fraser: "Don't talk, Ray. You're expending body heat."
Ray: "I'm going to freeze to death inside My Friend Flicka."
(Ray griping as he sits with a side of beef/horse wrapped around him)
"I know what you mean."
(Margarita Gamez, Stephanie Cabot)
(Dennis the landlord)
Ray: "Yeah, and there was just two inches of frozen pinto between me
and a bullet."
Mario: "Wow!"
(Ray telling Mario about Fraser and his adventures in the meat locker)
"It's okay, he actually was interesting."
"Really?"
(Fraser and Lopez)
Fraser: "It was perfectly safe, Ray."
Ray: "Oh yeah, what? Did you practice this on your last partner, Billy
'Swiss Cheese' McCallister?"
Fraser: "Granted, it was an unusual tactic, but I got the notion from
a young cadet who lashed a caribou to his chest. Unfortunately, it
was unrelated to police work."
(Fraser to Ray, regarding improvisation of frozen side of meat as
bullet-proof vest)
PIZZAS AND PROMISES
Ray: "Welcome to the United States of America, Fraser."
(Ray explaining why he ordered pizza from across town)
(Ray to Fraser)
"Today?"
(Ray and street person)
(Ray to Fraser, as he tracks Dief via an unusual method)
(One bum to another)
(Ray Vecchio)
Ray: "What do you mean?"
Fraser: "These last two blocks... I've been tracking a Lhaso apso."
Ray: "You've been tracking a Lapso Apso??"
Fraser: "I know. If word of this gets back to the Territories, I'll
never live it down."
Ray: "Mounties can be so cruel."
Fraser: "You can't imagine."
(Fraser realizes he's been tracking the wrong dog)
(Welsh, to Fraser and Ray)
"So what happened?"
"Well, I was clubbed repeatedly, Ray."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray Vecchio)
(Ray to himself about Fraser)
"Yes, ma'am. Right this way."
"Uh, no--with him."
"Oh, certainly. Uh, which car?"
"All of them."
(Female Customer; Car Dealer, Fraser)
Ray: "No, Billy Bob. I need you to be a distraction."
(Ray is sending Fraser to the jaws of doom: Mrs. Markles)
(Fraser, his eyes closed, to the rapidly disrobing Tammy Markles as he
flees her advances)
Lenny: "Looks like mine leads right over a cliff."
Fraser: "Cliffs are for climbing, Lenny. That's why God gave us
grappling hooks."
Fraser: "Well, sorry, but it was the only current number."
(Ray threatening Francesca)
Ray: "How was I supposed to know they couldn't swim?"
(Regarding a childhood incident)
Tammy: [stunned] "I hate men."
Fraser: "No. Just disappointed."
(On whether Tammy Markles is alive after car crash)
(Fraser, when Ray asked for money, about Dief's money)
CHINATOWN
"Yeah, you stink."
"Ray, please, he's already feeling excluded."
"Well, he *should* feel excluded, he's an animal."
[whine]
"Well, there you go. Now you've done it. Satisfied?"
"Strangely, yes."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
"I just went with the specials."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
"Who?"
"Diefenbaker."
"He's a wild animal!"
"He didn't look all right."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Ray)
(Ray Vecchio)
"Damn! This city's going to hell."
(Louis Gardino, Jack Huey)
Lee: "I cannot help you. Please, go."
Ray: "Under the fragrant bait you will find a hooked fish? ... Do you have
any idea what you're doing? You sound like a fortune cookie."
(Ray griping to Fraser as they leave Mr. Lee's kitchen)
(Ray to Fraser)
"Yeah, look who's talking."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
"He's a Mountie."
"What's he doing here?"
"I'm never entirely sure."
(Agent Ford, Lieutenant Welsh)
Welsh: "There is a point to this, I assume?"
(Fraser goes off on one of his tangents again)
"Roger."
(Lt. Welsh and underling)
(Ray Vecchio)
"How about the sound of my job going down the toilet? I'm sitting in a
dark closet with a Mountie being licked by a deaf wolf. ...That was the
wolf, wasn't it?"
"Yes, Ray."
"Oh, thank God!"
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
Ray: "That's why I don't own a wolf."
(Benton Fraser)
(Jack Huey)
(Ray to Fraser)
(Ray to himself, than to Fraser, as he follows the Mountie)
"Yes."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
Ray: "I'll make sure they take away your merit badge later."
(Listening in on conversation via air duct in men's room)
(Ray to Fraser, who is collecting fingernail clippings off the floor)
Ray: "Do you do this a lot? Try to solve cases by gnawing on ammunition?"
Fraser: "Well, I admit, it is a calculated risk, Ray, but I am a professional.
This is not for amateurs."
Thug: "You're a cop. You won't shoot me."
Ray: "I'm not that good a cop."
(Ray threatening bad guy with gun)
"Oh, you liked that?"
"Oh, I was impressed."
"I thought you would be."
"You were aiming for..."
"His chest."
"Oh. I think I should adjust your sights."
"I'd appreciate that."
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Elaine Besbriss)
CHICAGO HOLIDAY
(Benton Fraser)
(Fraser to Diefenbaker)
{blank stare from Dief}
"Well, thank you."
(Fraser)
Fraser: "If it wasn't important I wouldn't have called you. You'll never
know how much this means to me."
Ray: "You're right. I won't."
Fraser: "And he's the American ambassador's son."
Ray: "Looks like a very painful experience."
Fraser: "Well, dancing with the Americans often is, Ray, Speaking
politically, of course. Not personally."
(Ray to himself, after being dragged off important case to deliver
Fraser's formal accessories)
"How much?"
"By as little as necessary."
(Benton Fraser, cabbie)
"All I have left is Canadian."
"Fine, then I drive 30% slower."
(cabbie, Benton Fraser)
(Fraser to doorman, unaware he's entering S&M nightclub)
Fraser: "There's nothing so bad that it can't be forgiven, son."
(Dentist in sordid bar begging to be punished by Fraser)
(all eyes turn to Fraser, who's unaware of the implications)
Ray: "Want to concentrate here, Elaine? Every sketch you draw looks like
Fraser in drag."
(and it does!)
Dominatrix: "You have a very high opinion of yourself."
Fraser: "Just hold your elbows out at the side, it will slow your descent."
Ray: "My descent?! Fraser, you cannot go down there without backup. Ah, the
most annoying man in the world."
(Fraser slides down garbage chute and Ray reluctantly follows)
(Benton Fraser)
(Fraser, more to himself than to Janice, about Christina not listening
to him)
Christina: "Tell me another one."
Fraser: "No, I did. In my case it was different. I thought I'd done
something that no one could forgive. It didn't take long for my father
to find me. But you know, instead of lecturing me, he offered me some
food and some money. He said I could keep running if I wanted to but that
I would always feel ashamed. On the other hand, if I went back and faced
the consequences, I would be a man and everyone would know it without me
having to tell them."
Christina: "So what happened?"
Fraser: "Oh, I took the money and ran. (laughs) No, I went back, but it
wasn't easy. Of course, my situation was different from yours. I was
running away from my problems, not at all like you."
"What were you running away from?
"Oh, it was a very tortured scenario. It involved a goldmine, a boomerang
and a tank full of gasoline. It's all ancient history now."
(Christina Nichols, Benton Fraser)
"Yes, but I was talking about running away from the problems with your
father. This is about running away from somebody who quite probably will
shoot you. That's an entirely different thing."
(Christina Nichols, Benton Fraser)
A COP, A MOUNTIE AND A BABY
Fraser: "Really? What does my hair say?"
Ray: "Oh, that's not hair, Fraser. That's a pelt."
"Yes there is, Ray. There certainly is."
(Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser)
(Ray Vecchio)
Fraser: "I know. But he seems to be enjoying it."
Ray: "Not him. You."
(Regarding waitresses sucking up to Fraser and abandoned baby he is holding)
Fraser: "Well, most wolves do. Surely you've heard of stories of wolves
raising children that were abandoned in the wilderness."
Ray: "Those are not historical accounts, Fraser. Those are Disney movies."
Fraser: "Myth springs from truth, Ray. Most wolves form very strong loyalties
and will kill to defend them. I know. I've experienced it."
Ray: "Really?"
Fraser: "Oh, it's all right. He knows you. Just keep your hands where he can
see them. ... And make the puffin face."
(Fraser and Ray in Buick, the wolf behind them)
(Ray to Fraser)
(Fraser)
"No it's not interesting, it's vomit! Get it off me!"
(Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
"Yes, well, that's not entirely intentional."
"Someone stole them."
(Louise, Benton Fraser, Ray Vecchio)
(Morisot to Ray)
Fraser: "No. You're probably right."
"Oh, well, that's going to be difficult. He rarely does anything I ask him
to. We've tried to work through it. God knows I've done my part, but it's
something we can't seem to get past."
(Vinnie, Benton Fraser)
Fraser: "Now that... that's an interesting question. According to the
textbooks, the wolf is a hunter, an animal of prey. The Inuit... the Inuit
take a very different view of it. ... The people of the North. They have
their own idea of why the wolf was created. You interested? ... In the
beginning, so goes the legend, there was a man and a woman, and nothing else
on earth walked or swam or flew, and so the woman dug a big hole in the
ground, and she started fishing in it, and she pulled out all of the animals.
The last animal she pulled out was the caribou."
Vinnie: "I thought this story was about wolves, man?"
Fraser: "Oh, they'll be along in a minute."
Vinnie: "Oh."
Fraser: "The woman set the caribou free and ordered it to multiply and soon
the land was full of them and the people lived well. They were happy. But the
hunters - the hunters only killed those caribou that were big and strong, and
soon all that was left were the weak and the sick. And the people began to
starve. And so the woman had to make magic again. And this time she called
Amorak, spirit of the wolf, to winnow out the weak and the sick. So that the
herd would once again be strong. And the people realized that the caribou and
the wolf were one. For although the caribou feeds the wolf, it is the wolf
that keeps the caribou strong."
Vinnie: "So what are you saying? The wolf's going to eat me?"
Fraser: "Perhaps."
"I know, I know. It's a conundrum."
(Vinnie and Fraser)
(Ray)
Ray: "Can't I just shoot them?"
Fraser: "Not unless you want to blow up 32 tons of jet fuel."
(Regarding tackling two big thugs at airport)
Fraser: "From the French, meaning 'I don't know what?'"
Ray: "Yeah."
(Talking about female bicyclist who called Ray 'sir')
Season 2 DueSies - Part 1 |
Season 2 DueSies - Part 2
Season 3 DueSies
Season 4 DueSies