13. Although you know the batting average of every New York Yankee, you can't remember your girlfriend's dress size or the color of her eyes... or her name.
12. Let's put it this way: In the "Mr. Hairy Back" pageant, you wouldn't have to settle for the congeniality award.
11. The makers of "Frozen Meals For One" made you their "Customer of the Year" -- again.
10. In your world, nothing says "I love you" like a head butt.
9. You suggest the topic "Top Signs You're Going to Spend the Rest of Your Life Single," mistakenly thinking that your equally-hopeless fellow contributors might give you some clue as to what you're doing wrong.
8. The 6-inch pumps and leather mini may be a bit too risqué to wear on first dates, mister.
7. Larry Flynt sends you a letter asking you to put the magazine down, go outside, and get some fresh air.
6. Back in high school you were voted "Most likely to die alone, in a big-empty house."
5. Klingon, unfortunately, is not a very romantic language.
4. You'll master the art of meeting women as soon as they make a PlayStation game about it.
3. None of your 23 cats *ever* likes your boyfriend.
2. Your version of foreplay: Drop the remote, brush the Cheetos out of your chest hair, and belch "Come to papa!"
1. Who has time for dating when you're building a life-size Spock out of Legos?
