The scoring system that men just aren't aware of

SIMPLE DUTIES:

You go out to buy her flowers. +5

But return with beer.-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night. +5

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing. -5

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something. +10

You pummel it with a six iron. +20

It's her cat. -50

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:

You stay by her side the entire party. +5

You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy. -5

Named Tiffany. -10

Tiffany is a dancer. -15

Tiffany has implants. -20

SATURDAY AFTERNOONS:

You visit her parents. +5

You visit her parents and actually make conversation. +10

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television. -10

And the television is off. -15

You spend the afternoon watching aerobics in your underwear. -5

And it's not really your underwear. -10

HER BIRTHDAY:

You take her out to dinner. +5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. +10

Okay, it is a sports bar. -5

And it's all-you-can-eat night. -10

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. -15

You give her a gift. +5

You give her a gift and it's a small appliance. -10

You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance. +10

You give her a gift and it's chocolate. +20

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months. +30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day. -10

With her credit card. -50

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big. -50

THOUGHTFULNESS:

You forget to pick her up at the bus station. -25

Which is in Atlanta. -35

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast. -50

A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS:

You have a few beers. -5

For every beer after three, -5 for each.

And miss curfew by an hour. -10

You get home at 3 am. -20

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars. -30

And not wearing pants. -50

Is that a tattoo? -200

A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU:

You go see a comedian. +5

He's crude and sexist. -10

You laugh. -20

You laugh too much. -30

She's not laughing. -40

You laugh harder. -50

DRIVING:

You lose the directions on a trip. -5

You lose the directions and end up getting lost. -10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town. -15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals. -20

She finds out you lied about having a black belt. -50

COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression.+20

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes. +25

You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV.+30

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep. -100