You know you're Italian when...

1) You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.

3) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

4) You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.

5) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.

6) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your tank top to the beach.

7) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

8) A high school diploma and 1 year of Community College has earned you the title of "professore" among your aunts.

9) You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

10) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.

11) Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.

12) You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.

13) You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.

14) It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.

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