Votes: 027ni (4.1)
Selected by: Ian Davis
Lee was: the Supplicant ?
Answered on: 5 Dec 2005
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Merry Oracle, who can have a holly, jolly Christmas without pricking > himself on the pointy leaves, I've figured out your secret. > > Santa Internet > Claus Oracle > -------------------------------- ----- -------- > Immortal Yes Yes > Knows who's been naughty & nice Yes Yes > Shakes like a bowl full of jelly Yes Undetermined > Long, white beard Yes Probably > Keeps exotic livestock Reindeer Unproven > Has many dedicated helpers Elves Priests > > So admit it. You're really Santa, aren't you? This Oracle business > is just something you do to occupy yourself in the off-season, isn't > it?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Before you get carried away, consider the following comparison } chart: } } Santa Bill } Claus Gates } -------------------------------- ----- -------- } Immortal Yes Yes } Knows who's been naughty & nice Yes Yes } Shakes like a bowl full of jelly Yes Cream pie } Long, white beard False No } Keeps exotic livestock Reindeer Unproven } Has many dedicated helpers Elves Employees } Mail goes unanswered Yes Yes } Runs a worldwide organisation Yes Yes } Gets user requests, but delivers } something else altogether Yes Yes } Distributes gifts to the poor Yes Yes } Has an effective monopoly Yes Yes } Annual licensing fees Cookies Cash } } Notes: }  Ever since that pact with.. oh, wait, I'm not allowed to } talk about that. Sorry. Just take my word for it. }  Everyone who runs Microsoft software and has an internet } connection, anyway. "No personally identifying information", } hah, there's a good one. }  Sorry, but yes, Santa's beard is a false one. Didn't you } know that the most common method for disguise for men is a } beard? Did you really think that such a long beard would be } natural? Off with the glasses, on with the contacts and the } huge beard, and you look completely different. }  Yes, really - the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is in } fact the world's largest charitable organisation, and among } (many) other things currently funds 90% of the world's budget } for the eradication of polio. } } And a final clue: } - Many houses these days no longer have chimneys for Santa } to come down. } - Therefore, he needs an alternate method of entry. } - The easiest entry points to most houses are the windows. } - Windows is well known for being insecure, allowing easy } access by outsiders. } } How much more proof do you need? }
Notes: I was just looking for something fun to do for the holidays when this popped in my head. No doubt I could have made a better (or at least longer) list of similarities between Santa and the Oracle if I'd taken more time.
I thought the incarnation gave a great answer, but I was still surprised to see it digested.