And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} How many people are now in Heaven and Hell?  All the dead ones, of
} course.  Oh, except for the Catholics currently stuck in Purgatory.
} (Did you notice no one mentioned *that* during Pope John Paul II's
} recent funeral?)
}
} But I suppose that's not what you meant.  Really, supplicant, if you
} want to gain wisdom, you must be precise in the questions you ask.
} Well, I'll do you a favor and try to find the answers you really
} wanted.
}
} Now what'd I do with St. Peter's number?  Ah, here it is.
}
} <RING>  <RING>
}
} Hey, Pete.  It's Orrie.
}
} Fine, fine.  How about you?  Keepin' those golden gates gleaming?
}
} Good.  Hey, I got a question for you, seeing as you're in charge of
} the attendance Up There and all.  Just how many souls have signed in?
}
} Sure, I can wait a minute.
}
} [SHORT PAUSE]
}
} Really?  Huh.  Okay, thanks.  Hey, you gonna be at the next poker
} night?
}
} Good, I'll see you then.  <CLICK>
}
} I hope he really makes it this time.  He seems to back out at the last
} minute so often.  But when he makes it, it makes for an interesting
} night.  Anyone who can "deny Jesus" really knows how to bluff!
}
} Okay, so I've got half the answer.  Let's get the other half.
}
} <RING>  <RING>  <RING>  <RING>  <RING>
}
} Hey, Sate.  How's it hanging?
}
} Oh, really?
}
} Yeah, yeah.  You always say that.  Look, can you look up something for
} me?
}
} Yeah, yet another supplicant's question.
}
} I know, I know.  Look, all I need to know is how many souls you're
} currently playing host to.
}
} You don't?  How about a rough guess?
}
} Very funny.  Actually, you know, I'll go with that.  Serves this
} supplicant right.
}
} I hear that!  See ya, Sate.
}
} Thanks.  <CLICK>
}
} Well, Satan says keeping a head count for Hell would just be too
} orderly a thing to do.  His best estimate is "billions and billions
} served."  And unfortunately, St. Peter tells me exact numbers for
} Heaven are never released, as it could be seen as a denial of simple
} faith.  Far be it from me to argue with the Big Guy, but I can tell
} you this much:  vegetarians are well represented.
}
} You owe the Oracle a count of the number of pinheads needed so that
} *all* the angels can dance on one.
}