a stupid depression poem

chemicals with lyrical names.
serotonin famine in my brain--
magic liquids interacting
boiling dry, boiling over
into potent rage,
synaptic fire flashing.
lightning courses down my spine
clenching itself around my gut
squeezing upward past my heart
spilling onto my face, salt-fresh.
the flower struggles against the bee,
succumbs, wilts, dies.

across the room, i watch my body,
hear my voice saying words not mine.
fingernails carving
bloody half-moons in my palms.
activity becomes a complex calculus,
half-remembered, as a dream.
standing up requires
fifty-three separate movements,
forty-nine of which are too tiring
to even contemplate.
sobbing, on the other hand,
takes no planning.
21 Jan 1992 09:48
sine nomine

Magic Stream Journal

Depression and Mood Disorders