The Gathering

Dearly beloved:
We are gathered here today to pay our last respects to the dearly departed.
We are gathered here today and aren't the flowers beautiful?
We are gathered here today because there will be food after.
We are gathered here today today and psst -- could you pass me a fan?
We are gathered here today because I just saw him last week and he looked fine.
We are gathered here today and thank God for a good babysitter.
We are gathered here today and sombody's wearing some high-smellin' cologne.
We are gathered here today and he looks like any minute he could sit up and
  say gotcha and wouldn't that be just like him
We are gathered here today and most of the pallbearers look too old to be
  bearing anything.
We are gathered here today because when I was very young, the dearly departed
  slipped Wrigleys spearmint gum to me every week during Sunday school and
  Mother never noticed.
We are gathered here today because I didn't go to the hospital to visit.
We are gathered here today because Buster was the same age as my father.
We are gathered here today to sing the songs, read the scriptures, give thanks
  for the gathering.
We are gathered here today and I can't read the hymn through my tears.
We are gathered here today because every minute is precious.

       -- Suzie Nolen  (Huntsville, AL)