"When LOVE Goes Asunder
And The Heart Is Plundered,
The End May Be
A Dirty Deed"
- OR -
(The Mole's Story)

There once was a MOLE named LARRY,
Who thought himself somewhat hairy.
He carried a sword with which he sometimes parried,
To the dismay of those who called him 'fairy'.

He fell in love with a strumpet named 'Shirley'
Who was pretty and prim, 'though a little burly.
When tied to the RR tracks by an oaf named
To Shirley's aid Larry did scurry.

"On guard, you OAF!", Larry did yell,
"For today I'll send you straight to L!"
For a bad-hearted villain, Curly looked none too well,
As his pierced, blood-stained corpse did swell.

That Sunday, bells did toll,
Both for an Oaf and a love-stricken mole.
For as surely as the Oaf was dead,
Larry and Shirley did wed.

For a year their love remained true,
But a strumpet's a strumpet, and a dude's a dude.
Unfaithful Shirley did prove,
When with a hamster she did get lewd.

A dude like Larry is NOBODY's heel,
'Specially not a strumpet's to step on at will.
Once more the mole did wield,
A finely tuned, precision calibrated, instrument of steel.

Again and again Shirley did squeal
While Larry sliced, diced, minced, and peeled.
Never again would she his love steal,
For that night she bit the bitter pill.

{Poor poor Larry --
You can fool him once,
You can fool him twice,
But a
He will never be!!!}

(No apologies to Comedy III Productions -- if you see their trademarked characters named above, it is just an optical illusion!)

Copyright 1997 by Alan Johns

* * * * * * * * * * *

A bit of fluff:



Copyright 1998



Copyright 1998

Student Prayer

(*Note: I found this in a column by Michael Dean printed in the Arkansas Tech University school newspaper December 11, 1989. It was untitled, and I'm assuming that since the poem was PART of his column and no other author was identified, that Mr. Dean wrote it himself. I don't know where this character is, so I am putting up here without his permission -- just so you know.)

Now, a psalm to help us through our final exams. Let us pray.

The test is my shepherd; I must not fail.

It maketh me to sit down and study for hours; it leadeth me to the coffee maker.

It tortureth my soul; it leadeth me in the paths of insanity for it's name sake.

Yea, though I walk through the halls of the shadow of death I will fear no multiple choice, for thou art easier; thy short answer and thy essay they destroyeth me.

Thou teacher preparest a test for me in the presence of mine enemies; thou annointest my brain with blanks; my pen runneth nowhere.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me through this terror in my life; or I will dwell in the house of this institution of higher learning forever.