On my ipod: Bing Crosby, Stills, and Mash.
Constitutionally qualified: 200 proof -- 100% abv (American by volume); and I can pull off a genuine label.
Political Philosophy:
Polls: Not reliable. Floyd has one. Makes me seasick just watching it. YOU try leaning on it.
ACORN: Little acorns are good for roastin', for feedin' pigs, their ham for boastin'.
Gun Control: Use both hands.
Birth Control: See above + Rawlings glove.
Presidential Seal: If the tuskless wonder can't waddle a straight line, balance the ball and clap his flippers: Sausage! MMMmmm-mmmMMM!
Accountability: For four years, blame the loaded goat. It works.
Transparency: Don't drink what you can't see through.
Czars: No more Czars! That includes Rita and her mother. Any guff and I'll knock their mush in with a leg of lamb. (In one episode of The Andy Griffith Show, Otis had an altercation with his wife (Rita), threw a leg of lamb at her, missed, and hit his mother-in-law by mistake). We've traded clunkers for Junkers; let's trade Czars for Cars!
Bowing to Heads of State: If you spot one on the ground, and it is face up, you should put it in your pocket.
Domestic Diplomacy: The only boys who should be getting gassed on the front lawn are Briggs and Stratton. Not ossifers or perfessors.
Foreign Policy: Never enter a joint that has fewer than two doors.
Defense: Be the bat, not the ball. Can I get a witness?
3 A.M. phone calls: Not on my watch.
Spending: Save a little something for cab fare.
Jobs: New openings at the glue factory unshoeing donkeys and elephants. (You already knew where glue came from, right? Otis indeed worked during the week at a glue factory.)
Taxes: All my axes live in taxes. Sing it George.
Immigration: NO VACANCY. Barney's Bed & Breakfast is full up. Call ahead for reservations like everyone else.
Health Care: I know two little ol' sisters with an amazing Tonic.
Alternative Energy: Wind power. Let's get higher than kites.
That's all I got for now, hoss. Donations of any denomination are appreciated and just remember...
"The keys are on the wall: You know what to do."
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